The Winter of Our Discontent
by XxBanditQueenxX
Summary: Sequel to "Always: A Teenage Love Affair"! Follow along as Edward and Bella embark down their joined path. The path will be wrought with forks and stepping stones. Can their "teenage love affair" survive the obstacles adulthood will throw their way? R
1. Prologue

**A/N: **Well, you guys, here's the first chapter of the sequel to _Always: A Teenage Love Affair._ I am terribly sorry it's taken me so long, and that it may be a little wait between chapters. College crap is literally consuming my life these days!

Prologue: The Life I'm Leaving Behind

I took my normal seat at the Cullen's dining table for dinner. It was the same seat I had sat at every morning and night for the last three months--since my alcoholic father had gone into an asylum for trying to commit suicide and a rehab program for alcohol addicts. That was when I moved into the Cullen house permanently. I wasn't even allowed to go next door to my own, now empty house, for fear that I would be flooded with memories and have a mental breakdown.

I was trying to scrunch my notoriously flat hair while I waited for Edward to come down the stairs. He did, wiping his own soaking hair with a towel before throwing it into the hamper in the laundry closet. He smiled as he watched me fluff my hair. "It's not going to get any better, Bella," he said, pulling the Count Chocula out of the cabinet.

"He's right, ya know. You need to blow dry it to give it that extra oomph. I've told you this a million times," his sister, Alice said.

She motioned to her own spiky black hair that sat atop her heart shaped pixie face. It was blow dried and gelled, pristinely kept. I rolled my eyes at her as Edward kissed the top of my head and then sat across from me. "You know, Bella, I love your hair the way it is--silky smooth and slightly wavy."

I raised an eyebrow at him and he grinned. Alice began peeling back a banana. "Yes, by all means, keep it down and unstyled. It'll go great with that Seattle, 1994 look you're always going for."

I looked down at my Nirvana shirt and form fitting flannel, my jeans with the hole in the knee, my red converse. I liked my clothes. Edward smiled as I scrutinized myself. "I think it's sexy. She looks amazing in a t-shirt and jeans."

"You only say that because she looks better in your clothes than you do," Alice replied.

"Hey, I resent that," he retorted. "And that's not the reason. I happen to like that Bella feels no need to make herself something she's not."

"But admit that you like it when I dress her," Alice said, taking a bite of her banana.

Edward had a ready answer for this as well, to my great embarrassment. "Sure, because you always dress her in revealing clothing. What guy wouldn't want to ogle those young, supple breasts?"

I kicked his shin under the table as he chuckled. "What? It's the truth!" he said.

"Yeah, well keep it up and these 'young, supple breasts' will be completely off limits," I warned.

His spoonful of chocolaty cereal stopped halfway to his mouth. "You wouldn't!" he said in mock horror.

"Oh, babe, I would," I replied with a wink.

Alice cringed and threw the remainder of her breakfast away. "You two are freaks," she said while retrieving her book bag.

Edward laughed and washed his bowl out before grabbing my hand and following Alice to the Volvo. I slid in next to him and he kissed my hand. "So…we find out today if we got in!" he said excitedly.

I smiled back, feeling sick to my stomach. Two months ago, toward the end of October, we had applied early action to Washington State University. Today was the day we were due to get our acceptance or denial letters. I was as optimistic as he was about it. He had straight A's, a GPA of 4.2, was Valedictorian of our graduating class, and had tons of money. My grades were pretty good, a GPA of 3.7, 20th in the class. But, I had zero money. I also had no extracurricular activities, on account of I hate everyone at Forks High School and would rather die a thousand deaths than spend any extra time with them. So my odds weren't as great as Edward's.

He slid his old Volvo into his usual spot with expertise and turned off the ignition. "I'll leave you two alone to 'discuss college'," Alice said, rushing off to meet Jasper, who leaned against his own car.

She knew we had no intention of discussing college an further this morning. This was our only time together until lunch, and we took full advantage, spending the half hour before school starts attached at the lips.

Finally, flushed with swollen lips and mussed hair, we made our way into the school. He walked me to the science building and ran his fingers through my messy hair, straightening it out. His attempts were moot--even without the mussed hair, I still looked like I spent my morning in the car with him. He smiled and put a hand on the side of my face, kissing my lips.

"Break it apart, Cullen, Swan," my science teacher said, shaking his head and holding the door open for me to go in before him.

I smiled apologetically at Edward before saying, "See ya."

Science was uneventful as was the rest of the day. Lunch was before gym, and so Edward and I sauntered into the cafeteria together as we did everyday. No one stared any longer, seeing as it had become normal for us to hold hands and touch each other at ever chance. Jessica and Lauren still shot me the filthiest of glares as we strode to the line. They would never accept the fact the Edward "21st Century Sex God" Cullen wanted to be with plain ol' me. I gave them a sugary sweet smile and leaned up to kiss his cheek.

Edward, completely oblivious to the two girls looked down at me and smiled widely, placing a hand on the small of my back possessively. I felt his fingertips slide under the bottom of my shirt innocently and couldn't stop myself from checking to see how the Bimbo Twins were taking it. Lauren was whispering quickly to Jessica, who was grinding her teeth. I felt a surge of satisfaction as Edward paid for our lunches.

We had to pass their table once more before we got to our own, and that's when Lauren called out to Edward. We both stopped and turned to them. "What?" he asked, looking bored already.

"Well, Edward, we just heard that Mike Newton's parents are out of town this weekend…" Jessica started.

"Yeah, and?" Edward asked.

"We'd love for you to make an appearance. It wouldn't be a party without the Cullens. All of them," Lauren said.

"Okay, sure. I'll let the others know," Edward replied.

We turned to leave and that's when we heard Lauren's nasally voice say," But you can keep the trash at home."

I turned around to face the girl, rage replacing earlier's satisfaction. She smiled sweetly at me. "Excuse me?" I asked, an edge to my voice.

"It's nothing. We just don't want the poor white trash of the town to ruin the evening. This party's for the worthier members of Fork's society. I'm sure you understand," Jessica said.

That's when I lunged for her, knocking the food tray out of Edward's hands. He grabbed me around the waist before my hands could go around Jessica's neck. He held me firmly around the waist, and I eventually ceased my struggling against him. "That bitch, I am going to kill her!" I said through clenched teeth.

"Now is not the time or place, Bella," Edward said into my ear.

Both Lauren and Jessica looked slightly ruffled but amused as I straightened my shirt and pulled my flannel back up over my shoulder and bent to help Edward pick up the scattered food. He lifted the tray and looked straight at Lauren and Jessica and said, "Oh, by the way, we'll not be coming to your little party. Any of us. We don't fraternize with skanky hags. Sorry."

He dumped our ruined lunch into the trash and kissed my forehead before wrapping an arm around my waist and leading me to the table. There was still acid pumping through my veins, but I grinned wickedly at the sight of their shocked and angry faces.

He sat me down and sat next to me. "Bella, that was really unnecessary."

I looked at him incredulously. "What? After all they said to me you're going to chastise me?"

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers. "Bella, you can't rise up to their taunting. You need to remain collective. Don't give into them, show them that you are better and more mature than they are."

"Then what was all that "skanky hag" business?" I asked.

He grinned. "Only stating fact there. But notice, I didn't try to lunge over the table and strangle anyone."

I smiled sheepishly and put my hand to his cheek. He leaned in to give me a peck and I slapped his cheek. He laughed and pulled away. "Jerk," I said.

He shrugged. "Hey, one of us has to be the levelheaded one in the relationship!"

"What relationship, traitor?"

He leaned in and put his lips to my ear. "You couldn't leave me. So you really should stop acting like you can resist me and then we can get down to business."

I shoved him away playfully. "There won't be any business at school."

"Aw, come on! The janitor's closets are quite roomy!" he joked.

"How would you know?" I asked.

He laughed. "You're right. I wouldn't. But hey, there's always a bathroom."

"Very romantic, Romeo."

He shrugged again, stealing a fry from Alice's tray. "I am the new Romeo. Get used to it. You could be with Eric Yorkie."

I cringed. He was never going to stop teasing me about that childhood blunder. "I'm going to go to the bathroom."

"Would you like me to come with you?" Alice asked, rising anyway.

I waved her down. "I'm an adult now, Alice, I can go to the restroom by myself. I even wore my big girl panties today!"

"I love those panties," Edward commented.

I punched his arm and went to the restroom across the hall from the cafeteria. I was in the stall when I heard them. The Bimbo Twins. They were talking loudly. "I mean, why does he even go with her? She's an emotional wreck."

"Her father's an alcoholic. It's pathetic really."

"Yeah. I heard he tried to commit suicide and is now in the nut house."

I slammed the stall open and let my presence be known. Both Jessica and Lauren jumped and swung around. "Got something to say?" I asked them menacingly.

Lauren crossed her arms. "Oh, hi Swan."

I glared at her. "Do you have some kind of problem?"

"Only that they let people like you into the school," Jessica said, mimicking her friends movements and crossing her arms as well.

"People like me?" I asked. "You're only pissed because Edward couldn't care less about you two."

"Tell me, Isabella, how's Chief Swan these days? I heard he's on suicide watch," Jessica said, ignoring my comment about Edward.

That was when I lunged at her for the second time that day. Only, this time Edward wasn't there to stop me. I got to her and knocked her backward. She screamed loudly and tried to push me off of her, pulling my hair. I had my hands around her neck, squeezing the life out of her when I felt my self being pulled away. Apparently Lauren had gone to get administrative back up. Weak little bitches couldn't even fight for themselves…

"Ms. Swan, this is out of the ordinary for you," the principle said, his hand around my forearm.

I jerked my arm away from him and pushed my hair away from my face. "Yeah, well there really getting on my last nerve."

The principle shook his head slowly. "My office, the three of you."

Lauren and Jessica looked at him in protest, Jessica massaging her throat where I had wrapped my hands around it. "Why do we have to go? She attacked us!" Lauren protested.

"Right. I'm sure it was a completely unprovoked attack."

I glared at the two girls but smiled slightly when the principle said this. He opened the door and motioned for us to leave. I walked past Lauren whose foot was a little too far in front of my path, and I tripped. I turned around and shoved her and the principle stepped between us. "Ms. Swan!"

"See, Principle Higgins? This is what we get for allowing anyone to come to this school."

"That's enough Jessica. This is a public high school," he said. "Get to class, Cullen," he said to Edward, who stood outside the cafeteria.

I ground my teeth as we marched to the office, wishing I could push Jessica off her high horse. We passed Edward who have me a "What the hell did I just tell you?" look. I shrugged at him half heartedly and motioned to the two girls. He shook his head and I looked at the ground. Great. Now I was in trouble at school, and at home.

We got to the office and the principle motioned for the other girls to sit. I was satisfied to notice that I had ripped Jessica's sleeve and followed him into his private office. He motioned to the chair across from his desk as he sat in his. "Well?" he asked.

I ground my teeth again and stared stony faced at him. He sat back in his large chair and crossed his arms. I must have begun to suffer from delusions because the first thought when I saw him sit like that was, "Oh my God, he looks like James Gandolfini. Tony Soprano, mob boss."

I must have smiled at this thought because he raised an eyebrow and sighed. "Ms. Swan, I don't know what you are finding so amusing. You are in my office because you assaulted one of my students."

"But she started it!" I yelled, outraged, feeling like a five year old.

He leaned forward on his desk and crossed his hands. "Bella, I know that, but--"

"She insulted my family. That wasn't even the first time today! Not even the first time during lunch."

The principle sat across from me and scrutinized my face. "I know that you've been having some…troubles lately. We all feel for Chief Swan. But, Isabella, you are graduating in six months. Please don't give me reason to suspend you."

"Am I free to go?" I asked, feeling more pissed off and angsty than I had felt in a while.

He sighed. "Not that easy, Swan. You've got a weeks worth of after school detention. Starting tomorrow."

I fumed but nodded once. He waved his hand to the door and called Jessica in for her side of the story, something I'm sure made her look innocent and like the victim. I met Edward in front of the cafeteria, and he did not look happy. "Isabella," he began and I cringed, "Did I not just tell you to be better than them?"

"They insulted Charlie," I said.

Edward's face softened and he sighed. "Bella, you've got to be strong and not let them affect you."

Tears welled in my eyes and he put his arms protectively around me. "I hate it here, Edward. For four years these same assholes have been like this. I can't stand it."

He kissed my hair and made a calming shushing noise. "I know. But we've got six months and then we're out."

I buried my face in the place where his neck flows into his shoulder, inhaling his scent. He gave me a final squeeze and pulled away. "What do you say we blow off the rest of the block. We'll just go pick up some food and chill at home."

I looked at the clock. There was only an hour left of the school day (in which I had gym), but I nodded. "Come on."

We made it to his Volvo and he drove in silence to Taco Bell, his hand on my thigh, rubbing circles absentmindedly. We got home and went up to his room to eat. "Kids?" Esme called before we made it to the third floor.

"Yeah, mom?" Edward called.

"What are you two doing home so early?" she asked.

"Crap," I said, knowing we were busted for skipping a class.

"Bella was feeling a bit under the weather," he called. "I brought her home to rest."

Oh he was good

"What's wrong, does she need anything?" Esme asked.

"No, mom. Just to rest. I gave her some headache stuff when we got into the car so it should kick in soon," he called, pulling me up to his room.

"All right then. Bella, dear, call me if you need anything at all, will you?"

"Yes, Esme, thank you."

Oh. He was real good.

Later that night, we went downstairs for dinner, after I had taken a nap alongside Edward, who hadn't slept, but spent the whole time brushing his fingers across my arm. Esme had an amazing dinner laid out on the table and I inhaled the scent hungrily. It felt as though we had never even eaten tacos this afternoon.

I took my seat and Edward followed suit. Carlisle sat across from us, which was odd because he usually had to work at dinner time. Only on rare occasions was he home for supper. Esme brought out a bowl of salad and set it on the table, smiling at Edward and I. I raised an eyebrow. "What?" I asked suspiciously.

She pulled two large envelopes out from behind her back. "These came for you two today."

She handed them to us and I recognized the Washington State University crest. Edward and I looked at one another and the blood began rushing to my face, my heart racing. We both opened it and looked at each other once more. "On the count of three we pull it out?" Edward asked.

"Very mature," I said sarcastically.

"One. Two. Three," he said and then ripped the folder out of the envelope.

I did the same and then looked down at the first sheet that was in the folder. My blood was racing so fast it made my ears ring and then I heard Edward shout "YES!! We both got in!"

He punched at the air and I stood up quickly and threw my arms around his neck. "This is amazing! We got in!"

He lifted me into the air and then set me on my feet before kissing me full on the lips. It was not until he kissed my jaw line that I remembered we were in front of his parents. I cleared my throat and backed up, my face flushed. He grinned widely and hugged my once more, kissing my cheek.

We turned to his parents, who were looking at us with a bit of shock at our kiss and a lot of pride at our acceptance. "This is brilliant, you two. Well done!" Carlisle said, smiling too.

Esme had tears in her eyes. "Yes, excellent you two. I couldn't be happier."

"What's all the fuss?" Alice asked as she entered the room.

"We got in!" Edward replied happily.

Then it occurred to me as I looked at all of the Cullen's shining faces. I could never afford this with my father out of work and my meager wages from the camping store. When Carlisle saw my face fall, his brow furrowed and her grew concerned. "What is it, Bella?"

My face flushed. "I can't afford this."

Esme laughed merrily. "Well, we're paying for it of course."

"I could never ask you to--"

"We weren't going to wait for you to ask, dear," Esme said. "You're part of the family, always have been. It's only natural that we'd help you out of a tight spot."

I sighed in relief, still feeling slightly awkward. But my euphoria from before was wearing off as I ate dinner.

After supper, Edward and I went to his room. We laid down on his bed and stared up at the ceiling. "And, of course, I'll have to sneak to your dorm room!" he was saying excitedly, the happiness from earlier even more intense.

I sighed happily. At this time next year, I'd be with him. Away from the evil bitches at school, and with the only person in my life that still matters.

There was a soft knock at the door and Esme popped her head in. Edward and I sat up and I swung my legs over the side of the bed. "Hey, Esme."

"Hello, dears. Edward, I was wondering if I could have a moment alone with Bella."

"But this is my room," he protested.

"Your father would like to speak with you in his office."

Edward sighed exasperatedly and left the room. Esme came across from me in the chair me and placed a hand on my knee. "Bella, there's no easy way for me to begin."

I cringed. So this was it. The Talk. The Talk she had to deliver to me because my mother had died before she got the chance. I cleared my throat and she winced. "I noticed that the kiss you and Edward shared--"

"I am so sorry about that. That was uncalled for--"

"Please, let me finish. I noticed it was quite heated. I was hoping that I wouldn't have to give you this speech for a while."

"I'm eighteen, how long were you going to wait?" I teased.

She smiled. "Until you were married," she laughed.

Her face grew serious once more. "I know this is a little awkward because I am not your mother. Even more awkward because I am the mother of your boyfriend. But Bella, I feel it necessary to say to you that I believe you are responsible, and then can therefore make you own decisions."

I nodded once and she went on. "I'm not in here to tell you you can't have sex. Forbidding things always seems to make them more appealing. But I do want to tell you that I feel you are wise enough to think for yourself, but that I hope you wait until your married for that."

I inwardly cringed. She was only about three and a half months late. Whoops. "I know you two love each other very much. You've been together for your whole lives. Bella, if you do decide that Edward is the right one for you to share those special moments with, and before marriage, please be careful. Be responsible. Be smart. I would hate for you to end up pregnant at such a young age and unwed."

"We will be, Esme. I would never let that happen. I'd end up like my mother, and I don't want that," I said, feeling terrible about admitting this was my fear.

Esme nodded knowingly. "Just be absolutely sure that he is the right one for you to share this with. A girl's virginity is the most basic and most sacred thing she has. Give it away to the wrong person, and there could be unpleasant consequences."

I nodded again and said, "I'm going to be with your son forever, I assure you that. I'm not going anywhere."

"You're sure of that now, but you don't know what will happen when you go off to college. Just remember what I've told you, dear," she said, patting my leg.

I know that one floor below us, Edward was getting a similar speech from Carlisle. Esme and I continued to have this mother-to-daughter type talk, and I didn't have the heart to tell her that I had already done unmentionable, completely sinful things with her son, a few times right on the bed she was sitting across from.

I would truly miss her, the only mother I've known for six years, when Edward and I left for Washington State in eight months. I would miss them all.

O.O.O.O.O

Okay, that was the prologue. From here on out the story will be set two years from this scene.

Time for a review, lovelies.


	2. Chapter 1: The Winter of Our Discontent

A/N: Geez, you guys are so paranoid that I'm going to break Edward and Bella up. I wouldn't do that to you, now would I? Thanks for all of the reviews/adds!

Chapter 1: The Winter of Our Discontent

"Now is the winter of our discontent…" Billy Shakespeare used this line as his opener in _Richard III _to describe the passing of the unhappiness of a civil war.

But, at this moment in time, that is where Edward and I are--in the winter of our discontent. All of the unhappiness of high school has melted away to be replaced by a happiness that only independence can bring. Independence from parents, but also independence from each other.

Edward and I are still technically together, I suppose. We spend time together every night, but instead of making love or even talking, this time is spent silently working on class assignments. We knew that college was going to be difficult, of course, but we did not know it would put such a strain on our relationship. We were studying hard to pass all of our prerequisites in preparation for grad school. Edward wanted to study neurobiology and it's effects on behavior, and I wanted to study to go into criminal psychology. Two respectable professions, but two very time consuming ones as well.

So that's where we were tonight. Sitting in the school library across from one another. Exams weren't too far away and Edward was stressing, pulling at his hair as he read. I sighed and looked down at my book, only half focused on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Edward rubbed his eyes and slammed his book shut, startling me. He reached across the table and grabbed my hand, bringing it to his lips. "I'm exhausted. Let's get outta here."

Let me clarify. I am not unhappy about where we are in our lives right now. I have absolutely no intention of letting Edward go, of course. I love him as much now as I did that day in the grape vines two and a half years ago. I am satisfied that we've made it this far without falling apart completely. I knew that college was going to take my full effort, and even having Edward there, reading by my side, has kept me sane. His presence has that effect on me still, after all this time.

He grabbed my hand as he led me to his car, rubbing circles on my skin with his thumb. "We should go home for winter break, Bella," he said as he drove me toward my dorm.

"I agree," I replied.

He smiled. "We'll get to spend time together again, without the worries of school, even if only for a short while."

I grinned as well, placing my hand on his thigh. He groaned. "Bella, be good."

"I am," I sighed.

He looked at me as he parked. "I'm sorry I'm always so busy."

"It's not only you, Edward. I work just as much. I spend all of my time in class, studying, or at the bookstore."

He nodded. "We'll have to start making time for ourselves, then. Just an hour a night to be alone, without studying, where we can be like we used to."

We had discussed this many times before, but it still made no difference. We both knew that between school and our jobs, study time was our time together. I was going to have a bit of a lighter load next semester, but he would still be slaving away. He came around to open my door and help me out, and I could see how exhausted he was.

"Do you want to come up?" I asked, jabbing a thumb toward the building.

He looked as though he were contemplating it and then slowly shook his head. "Nah, Meredith is probably sleeping, which is what I should be doing. I've got work in the morning."

I pouted and he laughed. "Cheer up, love. My schedule's been changed. I work from six to two on Saturdays, so I'll be at your door at two oh five."

I smiled widely. "Yeah, you'd better be."

He leaned down and gave me a quick kiss. "I love you, Bella. As much as I did the first time I told you."

"I know, kid. I love you, too."

He patted my cheek and walked back to his car as I went up to my dorm. I got in and, sure enough, my roommate Meredith was asleep. I glanced at the alarm clock wearily. Well after midnight.

I slowly undressed and slipped on my night shorts in the dim glow from the alarm clock and slid into bed. I fell asleep quickly. That's what I was talking about when I said independence from one another. We no longer needed each other every night like we once did. I no longer needed him to comfort me and tell me everything was going to be all right. I had matured, but also, nothing eventful or pathetic has happened to me lately. The winter of our discontent.

The next day, Edward was not at my door at two oh five. More like eight oh five. He had long stem rose and when I opened the door to glare at him for being six hours late, he handed it to me. "I'm so sorry, love. Bill called in sick, so I had to stay for his shift as well."

He looked tired and worn, so I let him into my room. "Hey, Eddie," Meredith called over her shoulder from the desk.

"You know I hate when you call me that, Merry," he joked, ruffling her hair.

He walked to my bed and sat down on it's unmade surface. He smiled and grabbed my hand. "Come here you. I haven't seen you in 18 hours. Far too long for my taste."

I went and sat in his lap while he wrapped his arms around me. "How was work?" I asked him, tracing the dark shadows beneath his eyes with my fingertip.

"Abysmal. I thought the day would never end," he said, closing his eyes at my touch.

"You need to sleep, Edward," I said.

He shook his head. "No thanks. I want to spend some time with you, little lady."

He never got sick of joking my height, I swear. "Ugh, I hate those nicknames. I don't walk around calling you big guy, do I?"

He grinned. "You could, let everyone know the truth."

I patted his arm and laughed. "You wish, my dear. You wish."

He quirked an eyebrow. "Have you forgotten already?" he asked.

"Actually, yes. It's been a month."

He sighed. "I know, love. It's just work and--"

I put my finger on his lips. "Don't' apologize. I understand completely. You just wait until we go home. You are not leaving the bed, mister."

His eyes widened and a mischievous glint came to them. From the desk Merry cringed. "Ew. I'm still here you know."

I laughed. "Sorry, Mer."

"When are you two heading back to Forks, then?" she asked.

"The twenty third. That's the earliest I could escape Alastor's wrath," Edward said, referring to his boss at the restaurant.

"That's not very much time, then," she said.

"Well, at least we'll be there for Christmas and New Years," I said, putting my hand to Edward's neck.

He smiled. "Yeah. Mom's thrilled she'll get to see us. I mean, we've only been gone since August."

"You know how Esme gets. All teary eyed that we've grown up."

"Speaking of grown up, when does Charlie come home?" he asked.

"The thirteenth of January," I said proudly.

My father had been sober for two years now, but had only stopped trying to commit suicide and triumphed over his clinical depression two months ago. It was finally time to bring him home. Well, to a house he'll share with three of his sober friends from the rehab program. But still, a normal house.

Edward smiled. "Good. I'll get off work that weekend to come up with you."

I smiled at Edward. He was still the most thoughtful person I knew. While I may not need him as much as I once did, there were times, like my visits to Charlie in the asylum, when I needed him by my side, to feel his reassuring hand on the small of my back.

I felt the tension in his neck and sighed. "You work too hard," I said, kneading the spots with my fingers.

His eyes closed and he groaned. "Ugh…the guys are having a party."

I frowned and looked at the back of Meredith's head. "Do you mind if he stays here tonight?"

She turned around, her arms on the back of her chair. "I do if you guys are going to get naked."

I laughed. "That won't be happening. This boy needs to sleep."

Edward pouted and I giggled. "You could go back to your party house."

He shook his head and took off his shoes. "Nah," and he yawned.

I straightened the covers and then peeled off his jacket. "Now, bed," I pointed to the spot next to the wall.

He smiled. "I still love it when you're bossy. A real turn on, you know."

"Get to bed, Cullen."

He slid into the bed and I went after him. Meredith rolled her eyes. "You two had better not get caught, that's all I have to say."

"This bed is so small," he complained.

"My bed back home was a twin," I reminded him.

"Yes, but I think we grew. Well, I did. You're still as short as ever."

I rolled my eyes. He sighed sleepily. "Plus, whenever we 'slept' in your bed, we weren't side by side," he mentioned suggestively.

"Still haven't gone deaf yet," Meredith said while she turned back to her computer.

I playfully elbowed him and he smiled at some memory of us back home. He rolled onto his stomach like he always has, and shoved one arm under the pillow. He draped the other arm across my torso and kissed my shoulder. "Love you."

"Me too."

Finally, after a while his breathing grew heavy and I sighed happily, caressing the warm skin of the arm he had draped over me. It was nice to lay side by side like old times, without the weight of my family's problems on my shoulders. The only thing we had to worry about now was school. It was stressful, sure, but not nearly as stressful as it would be if I had to worry about my father drinking back home, or trying to kill himself, or as stressful as it would be if Edward was still deeply depressed by his grandparents death. No, we had left those worries back home and started over, in this, the winter of our discontent.

O.O.O.O

A very short chapter, I know. But it sets you up for how their lives are now.


	3. Chapter 2: Too Damn Good to Be True

**A/N:** Hey all, sorry about the wait. I've been busy putting together a lawyer case for the mock trial at school. Complicated stuff. Eh…I need a break from anything that has the words "forfeiture by wrong doing" and "domestic homicide" so I'll update now.

Chapter 2: Too Damn Good to Be True

I was packing up my bags when Edward arrived at my room. Meredith was hanging lights around our room because she was not going home for the holidays, and I was about to go back home to Forks for a week. "Hey," I said to him, kissing his cheek.

Edward looked tired, the circles under his eyes disturbingly dark. "Edward, when was the last time you slept?" I scolded.

He stretched and yawned, shrugging his shoulders. "I dunno. What do you say we get out of here, eh? It's freezing outside and we've got a few hours on the road ahead of us."

I motioned toward my over packed suitcase. "I can't get it to close. I've been trying for fifteen minutes, but it won't budge."

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "What do you have in there, Bella? We're going to be gone for a week!"

"Presents for everyone back home."

"Well, sit on top, and I'll zip it up," he said, lifting me up.

Meredith laughed from the window where she was tucking the string of lights into the cracks. I sat on top of the suitcase and smirked at Edward, waiting for him to zip it closed. He ruffled my hair and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He began to zip up the suitcase, but unfortunately he clipped my leg in the process, I let out a howl of pain and he laughed. "Sorry."

"Sorry? That's all you can say? You took off a chunk of skin!" I yelled at him, my eyebrows furrowed in a glare.

He laughed again and lifted my leg. "Let me see," he said.

A small purple bruise appeared where the skin had gotten caught in the zipper. He ran a finger over it and I winced. He bent down to kiss it and then stood upright once more. "I'm sorry. It was an accident."

I ran a hand over the back of my thigh, still a little angry that he hadn't been more careful. "Why are you still in your skirt anyway? We've got to be going."

I looked down at the skirt and polo shirt I was forced to wear everyday to the bookstore where I worked. He walked to my closet and pulled out a shirt and jeans. "Put this on."

I looked at the shirt and raised an eyebrow. "You want me to wear this?" I asked.

The shirt was a long sleeved one, black and made of a soft cashmere. Alice had bought it for me last Christmas. It showed too much skin and was too feminine for my taste. "Alice would be pleased," he said by way of explanation, though his eyes had an innocent glint that was a little too innocent.

I sighed and ripped off my polo shirt. "Ugh, he better keep five feet away from you. I do not want to see you both naked," Meredith said.

"Ah, the things we could still get up to five feet apart," Edward said.

I tossed my shirt at Meredith and she wrinkled her nose and dropped it to the floor. "That thing smells like a buff weightlifter after a day of squat thrusts."

I laughed and put on the sweater. I struggled with the button on my skirt and Edward sighed impatiently. "Here, let me help."

"Eh eh, five feet," Meredith said to him, poking his chest with a candy cane ornament as she made her way to the box of decorations.

"I was just saying that I know how to get these buttons undone quickly," he said, innocent once more.

"Ew! Eddie I don't want to hear about your disgusting sexcapades, really!" she said, pretending to cringe.

Meredith reminded me a lot of Emmett at times. I smiled at the thought that I'd be able to see him once more. I really missed all of the Cullens in my time away from Forks. I smiled as I pulled on my jeans and then my socks. "What are you smiling at?" Edward asked, wrapping an arms around my waist and resting his head on my shoulder.

"Emmett. I can't wait to see him."

Edward smiled too. "I know. We should start going home more often."

I nodded, knowing that was not going to happen anytime soon.

It took us only a few hours to get home, but it was enough to wear me out. I was exhausted when Edward finally pulled into the driveway, and I could tell he was as well. He turned the ignition off and rested his head against the seat, his eyes closed. I touched his face lightly and he opened his yes. "Come on, let's go see everyone!" he said, opening his door and allowing a rush of icy air to fill the car.

He came to my side to let me out and we walked hand in hand to his front door, which opened before he even had time to get out his key. "They're here, mom!" was the shriek I heard before a small pixie hugged me around the waist. "Bella! I've missed you so much!"

I laughed as she hugged Edward. "We missed you too, shrimp," he said ruffling her hair.

She swatted him and laughed as she grabbed both of our hands and dragged us inside. The Cullens were gathered around a massive Christmas tree, each one hanging something. Emmett dropped the string of lights he was helping Rosalie wrap around it and grabbed me up in a big bear hug. "Bells! It's been too long! And look at that, you haven't grown an inch!"

I punched him and Carlisle laughed. "Enough fighting, kids, or I'll have to send you to your rooms."

I did my rounds of hugging and then went back to Edward. "When's dinner?" he asked, admiring the lights in the tree.

His family's tree was always bright and full of color, whereas I couldn't even remember the last time my own barren house had held a tree. I thought of my father in the rehab center and grew sad. I hadn't spent the last Christmas with him either. In fact, he hadn't been mentally present since the Christmas when I was twelve, before my mother had died. Edward looked down at me and intuitively knew what I was thinking about. "We'll go see him tomorrow, okay?" he asked.

I nodded and leaned into him. I had missed the whole conversation on dinner and so was pleasantly surprised when Esme came back from the kitchen and announced it was time to eat. Dinner was joyous enough, with everyone sharing their own stories of college life. Emmett and Rosalie had gone off to the community college, whereas Alice and Jasper were attending a college in northern California. Edward and I led, by far, the most boring lives out of everyone at the table, and I was desperately wishing that would change soon. As Emmett told of camping in the nearby Mount Rainier with a few of his friends of college and a close, yet comical, run in with a bear, everyone laughed and ate their fair share of apple pie.

Finally, I announced that I was tired and ready to go to bed, and Edward rose with me. "I suppose it would be stupid of me to ask you to sleep in separate beds, then?" Esme asked.

"Pretty much," I said.

Edward elbowed me in the side and glared at me. "Nothing's going to happen, mom. Trust me."

Esme nodded and Edward and I went up to his old bedroom. "It is so odd when we come back here. We're truly outsiders in the place we grew up," he said, running his hand over the dusty dresser.

I nodded and slipped off my jeans, yawning widely. He undressed silently and slipped into the bed as I put on one of his t-shirts and followed suit. I snuggled up to his form, soaked up his body warmth. He laced his fingers with mine and sighed. "Do you think we'll ever be like my parents?" he asked.

I thought about Esme and Carlisle, they're seemingly endless love for one another. "I hope we can stay that in love for life."

"And what about the house, the careers, the children?" he asked.

I furrowed my brow. Why was he asking this? It took me a while to respond, but when I did, it was from my heart. "I want everything they have. The love. The big house with the white picket fence. Smart assy grown children."

"Do you want it with me?" he asked.

"Of course. I've never actually wanted anyone else."

"Then you should marry me," he said, kissing my knuckles.

I shot up and looked down at him. His brow furrowed in confusion and he scooted up so he was leaning back on his elbows. "What? Did I say something wrong?" he asked, pain crossing his features.

I shook my head. "Did you just propose?" I asked, my throat feeling as dry as cotton.

He broke his eye contact with me. "That depends."

"On what?" I demanded, my heart pounding wildly.

"On whether you accept my proposal. Or just want it to remain a statement about what I think should happen in the future."

His tired eye were sad and I rolled myself over so that I was laying across his torso. "Of course I want to marry you, you great oaf."

His face brightened and a wide grin spread across his face. "So you accept then?"

"Yes," I said, my voice catching in my throat.

Great, now I was going to go all female and start crying. He wiped away the tears that were falling and looked up at me. "Now, let me do this right, then," he cleared his throat for dramatic effect. "Isabella Swan? I promise to love you forever--every single day of forever. Will you marry me?"

"Yes," I said, still crying like an imbecile.

"Thank you," he said simply, before his face grew apologetic.

"What?" I asked him, confused.

"I'm sorry I don't have a ring yet," he said. "This was rather impromptu."

"You weren't planning this?" I asked, a little crestfallen.

"Yes, I've been planning it for the last two years. I just didn't know I'd do it this soon. I thought we'd be out of college…"

"We can wait. We'll wait until we are out of college," I said.

"We'll do it as soon as you'd like," he said, kissing my left ring finger where a ring should be. "I'll buy you a ring tomorrow if you'd like."

"Maybe not that soon," I said. "But soon enough. How about the summer after graduation?" I asked.

"Two years from now?" he asked.

"Sure. You weren't planning on getting rid of me were you?" I joked.

"Never," he said, wiping the remnants of my waterworks episode away.

"Good thing," I said and I bent down to kiss him.

The next morning I awoke feeling happier than I had in a while. Then the memories of the previous night flooded back to me. Edward had proposed. We were to be married after we graduated from undergraduate school, but before graduate school. I have never felt so good in my life. I opened my eyes as I stretched and looked over at the bronze-haired god next to me. His back was to me, his arm shoved under the pillow, his breathing heavy.

I slid out of bed as carefully as possible, trying not to wake him. I walked around to his side of the bed and grabbed his pair of sleeping pants, sliding them on soundlessly. I felt myself lurch backward and heard his playful laugh. "You weren't trying to get away from me were ya?" he asked, his lips at my ear, his chin on my shoulder.

"Sorry I woke you. I tried not to," I apologized and he laughed again.

"Silly girl, when will you learn that I'd rather spend time with you than sleep?" he asked kissing across my shoulder blades.

"Well, since you're up, let's go downstairs. Remember we told Esme we'd hang the lights on the awning."

He groaned and flopped back onto the bed, releasing my waist. "But I don't want to," he whined, reminding me of when we were five and he wasn't getting his way.

I patted his leg and shushed him. "Get up you big whiner and get downstairs in five."

He sighed and shoved a pillow over his eyes. I laughed and left him be. He drug himself down the stairs an hour later, pulling his hat over that gorgeous mop of bronze hair. H saw me and smirked. "Why aren't you ready to go hang lights, little miss?"

I watched him pull on his gloves, looking a little too innocent. I narrowed my eyes suspiciously as he inched closer. I started backing away and he lunged for me, gripping me by the waist and throwing me over his shoulder in one fell swoop. I groaned. "You really are too damn strong for your own good."

He laughed and carried me to the coat closet, where he grabbed my coat and scarf. "Get your clothes on, kid. We've got work to do," he said, tossing me onto the couch and walking out of the room.

I huffed and straightened my shirt. I pulled on all of my winter gear and joined him in the garage, where he was trying to untangle a string of lights. He got frustrated and threw them to the ground. "That's the spirit, Edward," I said, "When all else fails, simply give up."

I patted him on the back and he glared at me. "Who puts lights away like this? I've never seen so many tangles at one time."

"Hush your whining. Here, let me help you."

It took us half an hour to get a ball of lights into one straight string. When we did, Carlisle walked in, carrying a box of unused decorations and said, "Oh, kids, those lights are no good. Bulb burned out and the whole strand went. There's a few new boxes in that box labeled 'outside deco.'"

I looked at Edward, who looked like he would pull his hair out, and said, "Oh. Okay then. No big deal that we just spent thirty minutes untangling an unnecessary ball of lights."

"That's the spirit, Bells."

Carlisle didn't catch the sarcasm in my voice and so I sighed and clutched the strand of lights up and went to the trash. When I returned Edward was pulling new boxes of lights out of a plastic tub. "Well, we might as well get started. Where's the ladder?"

"In the attic," he replied unhappily.

We went back into his house and up the four flights of stairs into the attic. It was filled with dusty boxes and various pieces of furniture covered with sheets. We saw the ladder perched against the back wall and headed to it. It was rather heavy and took both of us to carry. I was the one walking backward and tripped over something, dropping the ladder and sprawling out on my back. Edward set it down and rushed to my side, helping me lean up. "You alright?" he asked, putting a hand to the small of my back and helping my sit up.

"Yeah, what the hell did I trip over?"

I looked over to find old photographs spilling from a box. I began picking them up, but stopped when I saw they were pictures of us and our parents. A picture of the Cullen parents wedding was first in the pile. Esme looked beautiful in her lacy, old fashioned dress. And Carlisle had a jacket with coattails and a top hat. They were adorable. Then a picture of them at their prom. It was horrifying, the clothes they wore.

"You're mom's hair looks like a peacock," I said.

He laughed and moved to the next photo. It was a photo of he and I as babies. He was putting a toy in his mouth and I was reaching for it greedily. "You've always been the demanding type. And here's my proof," he said with a laugh.

"You don't seem to mind it so much these days," I reminded him suggestively.

He smiled widely. "Sure don't. Which reminds me… I thought you said I wouldn't be getting out of bed while we were home. Why are we up here in this dusty old attic?" he asked.

I shoved him playfully. "I don't think your parents would like it if we blew them off to kick the bobo all day."

He laughed at my choice of words. "True."

The next picture was one of us sitting on a wall by the beach. It was one of the rare sunny days in Forks, and we both have plates of watermelon in our laps. He was smiling radiantly, and I was smiling my missing-front-teeth, freckled face smile. "God, I was an ugly kid," I said.

"Aw, I think you were cute."

"Yeah, well…I hope our kids take after you," I said.

"Kids?" he asked.

"We'll need some to run around our spacious backyard, beyond the picket fence."

He sighed happily and we spent the next few hours looking through the old photos. "We should make your mom a scrapbook for Christmas."

"That's tomorrow, Bella. We'd never be able to do it."

"Well…maybe next year."

"I think we should make copies of these and create our own book. For the coffee table in our house in the suburbs."

"I agree."

"We'd better get those lights hung…or mom'll have our necks."

We carried the ladder, more carefully this time, to the bottom of the stairs and began hanging lights on the awning. It was a long drawn out process, but we managed to get it done before it was dark. "Looks good, kid," I said, looping my arm through Edward's and staring at our masterpiece.

He kissed my temple and picked up the extra strand of lights. He slowly walked around me, wrapping the lights as he did. He plugged the strand in and placed a stray bow on top of my head. He kissed my forehead. "Meet you inside for dinner," he said, leaving me there, wrapped in lights and wishing I could take him here in the garage, on the covered pool table.

"You ass," I whispered, turning in circles to unravel myself.

"Wow…kinky," Alice said, walking into the garage.

"We thought so too," I replied.

"Maybe next time you should wrap your self in a bow and have _him_ unwrap you," she suggested.

"Alice!"

"What? I'm just saying…and excellent early Christmas present."

I thought about this and actually considered it for tonight. That could be what we needed after such a long sexual dry spell…

"Anyway," she said, placing her hands and spinning me faster.

I was dizzy as I pulled away, leaning against the wall to steady myself. "What?"

"I was wondering how college life's treating you."

"Horribly. Edward and I have no personal time anymore," I sighed, "But it's what's best for our futures."

She nodded. "Edward's dropping his mythology class next semester," she noted.

Even though mythology had absolutely nothing to do with neurobiology, Edward had always had an infatuation with Greek and Roman tales, and he had only had the time to take it this semester. I was confounded. "Why?"

"I didn't ask," she said, leaving the garage. "Oh, and dinner's ready."

I went into the house and into the dining room. Edward was not in there at all. "Where's Edward?"

"He went upstairs to shower, dear," Esme said as she and Alice set the table.

I went up to his room and sat on his bed as I waited for him to come out. He finally opened the door, a plume of hot steam rolling out in his wake. He was whistling happily as he walked by me and to his dresser. "Got yourself untangled, I see," he said casually, laying out a pair of jeans before searching for a shirt.

"With Alice's help," I replied bitterly, pulling my coat off.

He chuckled and sat next to me. "I am such a terrible boyfriend, I know. I'm so mean to you."

"Fiancee," I corrected and he smiled widely. "And yes you are."

"I'm sorry, love," he said in a way that clearly meant he wasn't sorry.

I didn't mind his little pranks or stunts or whatever you wanted to call them. It was the first time in months that I had seen him alive and joyous. He was radiant, just as he was when we were in high school. He kissed my temple again.

"Edward, why did you drop your mythology class?" I asked abruptly.

He looked taken aback at first. "Alice told you? She can't ever mind her own…I dropped it so we could have a little more time together. Lightening the load, ya know."

I couldn't look him in the eyes. Giving up the one class he had been eagerly awaiting to spend some more time with me. He really was too good to be true. "Why would you do that? I thought you really wanted to take that class."

"But I want to take you more," he said cheekily.

I laughed and watched my finger as I trailed it down the thin trial of hair that led into the towel wrapped around his waist. He was watching me. "I do believe that's just moved you up a few pegs to 'Greatest fiancee ever, who is only a little mean to his wife-to-be.'"

He laughed and I pulled back the towel to have a little peek. I heard him gulp. "I'm not too hungry anymore," I said. "At least…not for food."

He tipped my face up to meet his and pulled me onto his chest as he laid back on his bed. Too damn good to be true.

O.O.O.O

Well, time for a review. Again, I apologize for the long wait.

You guys are soooo paranoid I am going to break them up! Now…does that sound like something I'd do? (smiles evilly while cackling and twirling a nonexistent mustache menacingly)

Please review!


	4. Chapter 3: Roaring Oceans

**A/N: **As usual, thank you all for the amazing reviews! They really make my day, and with the day I've been having, they perked me right up. So, I thank you for cheering me up on a bad day. Y'all rock!

Chapter 3: Roaring Oceans

I awoke in the morning just before noon. Edward was no where in sight and I knew he had gone downstairs to help his mother set up everything for Christmas morning. Though the Cullens were not so shallow as to care solely about presents on Christmas morning, gift opening was a special time in their home, for both the giver and receiver. The Cullens spent all year planning gifts for each other, took the time to pick the perfect gift for each member of the family, something that held meaning and came straight from the heart.

I sat up and stretched, yawning widely. Edward and I hadn't slept as much as we had messed around, and I was still pretty tired. I slipped on underwear and my robe and brushed my teeth before heading downstairs. When I did, I saw each of the Cullens placing their gifts to one another under the tree. Rosalie and Jasper were already here, their mornings already spent at their respective homes.

"Hey, dear. You look exhausted," Esme said, frowning slightly.

I caught Edward's eye from where he was smirking behind her and smiled at her. "Couldn't get to sleep."

"Well, merry Christmas," Esme replied, smiling happily.

Christmas cheer was definitely infectious, for I was soon grinning a grin to match Esme's. I sat on the couch by Edward and waited for the gift opening to begin. When it did, I felt bad about my gifts. I hadn't had a whole lot of money to get anyone anything, but they sure as hell spent money on me. I picked up Emmett's gift, a long box. I looked at him suspiciously. "Emmett, I hope this wasn't too expensive," I said, having a good idea of what was inside.

I pulled the wrapping paper and found a guitar case, a golden Gibson sticker on the outside. My heart began beating quickly. I already knew this would've cost too much. "Em…I can't accept this."

"Aren't you going to open it?" he asked, looking both eager and a little pained at my refusal.

I pulled the latches up and took a deep breath. Inside lay a 1960 Les Paul Classic, with a honey burst finish and rosewood fingerboard. It was polished and glistened, beckoning to me to play. I let go of a breath I didn't know I was holding and fingered the guitar lightly. "Em…I can't take it. This costs over three grand."

He shrugged. "Edward had told me the neck on your old flying V had cracked, and I thought you might like this better."

"I could have just got the crack repaired."

"Yes, but the sound would've never been the same, according to Edward. And I also have to admit…he had to help me pick it out. I know nothing about them, but apparently this one is like…the shit."

I got up and hugged him. He laughed and patted my head. I squealed and picked it up. "I am officially in love with you, Em."

"Hey!" Edward exclaimed. "I picked it out!"

I laughed and kissed his cheek. I strummed, finding the guitar perfectly tuned. "And tuned it as well."

Emmett shrugged. "You didn't honestly expect me to string it did you?"

I smiled widely. "I guess not! This is amazing. I really don't know how to thank you. I've had my eye on various Les Paul's for ever. This one is perfect!"

Edward beamed and pounded his fist to Emmett's. "Told you she'd love it."

The rest of the present opening was a blur. My eyes kept wandering to the box that held my new official love. Edward may have been replaced by a smooth honey burst classic. Edward came to sit next to me on the floor and set a small box on my knee. "Here's my present, love."

I picked it up and looked up at him. "What is it?" I asked.

I knew that the smaller the box, the more the things that lied within cost. "Well, open it. I'm not going to tell you, silly girl!"

I pulled the red ribbon from around the elegantly wrapped box. I had always admired Edward's gift wrapping skills. He had said once that it took talent and time to wrap a gift perfectly. I had never actually caught on to that talent, and ended up putting everyone's presents in bags as a result. I peeled the tape off, trying not to tear the silver paper too much.

Edward played with one of my curls, eyeing me carefully, gauging my reaction to the small package. When the paper was off, a crimson ring box sat in the palm of my hand. I looked at Edward, who was smiling anxiously. "Open it," he whispered.

Everyone's eyes had come to look at me and the tiny box. I touched it lightly, listening to the sound of my heart pounding in my ears. My hands shook as I opened it. Inside, nestled into the vermillion velvet was an incredible diamond ring. _The face was a long oval, set with slanting rows of glittering round stones. The band was white gold-delicate and narrow. The gold made a fragile web around the diamonds. I'd never seen anything like it._

I put a hand over my mouth as I heard Alice gasp. "Oh, Edward!"

He smiled widely as tears once again fell down my cheeks. I hate being a woman sometimes, especially as I sat there in the Cullen living room, blubbering like an idiot. "I know we said we're going to wait until after undergraduate school, but I didn't see any reason you can't have a ring now," he explained.

He plucked the ring from the cushioning and took my left hand, sliding the ring onto my finger. Alice jumped up. "He proposed to you already?"

I nodded, choking back tears as best I could. Alice sounded betrayed when she said, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It happened two nights ago," I said, not really paying attention to what she was saying.

I looked to my love, and he wiped the tears away with his thumbs as I slipped my arms around his neck. I could hear Esme crying behind me as she leaned into Carlisle. I looked at my ring as I clasped my hands together behind Edward's neck. "It wasn't too expensive was it? It looks like it would cost way too much."

Edward smiled sadly. "No. It was the ring my grandfather gave my grandmother when they married after the war."

I couldn't believe that I had never noticed it on her before. Before she had died, I had spent more time with his grandmother than I had spent with my own. I must have looked puzzled because Edward said, "When her arthritis got bad before we were born, she took it off. She had it on a white gold chain around her neck, which she tucked into her shirt. That's why you never saw it. She gave it to me, the last time I had saw her and told me to give it to the girl who deserved it."

I nodded once more, a silent tear making it's way down my face. Edward smiled again. "I've never seen you cry so many tears of joy before. Sheesh, these last two days, you've sprung a leak!"

I shoved him playfully and he laughed kissing my lips lightly, chastely in front of his family. The ring meant so much more to me now that I knew it had belonged to the one woman he had idolized. I had told him I didn't need a ring yet, but now I was more than happy to wear this piece of jewelry, the piece that had meant so much to him. I marveled at how it caught the light. Around us, I could hear the excited buzzing of his family, but I couldn't focus on any one voice.

I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and he rubbed circles into my back, kissing my neck with light, butterfly kisses. He brought his lips to my ear and whispered lightly, his warm breath tickling me. "I love you so much, Bella. More than anything or anyone in the world. Always remember that. Always. I will never love anyone else as much as I do now. I want all of you forever and always."

I buried my face in the crook of his neck where it met his shoulder, breathing in his heady scent. I was crying too hard to say much, but I managed a broken, "Same here."

He chuckled and rubbed my hair as I clung to him for dear life. I wasn't only crying from happiness anymore, and I could tell that he sensed that because he gently rocked me. I was crying for the wedding my mother would never see. For the husband my mother only knew as a respectful preteen, not as my one true love. I cried for the future my mother could not be part of. I cried for my father and all that he had been through. I cried for the pride I felt when I thought of his strong voice as I talked to him on the phone last night to tell him I'd be coming by to see him. I cried for the fact that I would be joining the greatest family God had ever created. But mostly, I cried for the wonderful man who held me close, whispering sweetly into my ear. He was an angel, and one that I loved and cherished above anything else on the earth. I still had trouble believing, after all of this time, that he was all mine. But here he was, offering me everything he had to offer--his love, his compassion, his future, his _life_.

I pulled back to kiss him, not bothering with thoughts that his family was near. I had to taste him, taste the sweetness of his mouth. He didn't pull away, but held me tighter than he ever had before, kissed me passionately. I pulled away before things got too unchaste and my lips curved into a smile that made my cheeks ache. "I love you, Edward Cullen."

"I know," he said simply and I let go of him, somewhat reluctant, to see the rest of his family watching us while they pretended to be occupied with trashing the wrapping paper that littered the floor.

"Getting married, I can't believe it!" Emse squealed.

I couldn't stop grinning for the rest of the morning, throughout the Christmas brunch that Esme had prepared. I kept sneaking peeks at the ring that now sat gloriously on my left ring finger. Edward did the same, and would beam luminously. A few times, he pulled my hand to his lips to kiss the ring and my fingertips lightly.

When the morning's events were winding down, I excused myself to get ready for the trip to Roaring Oceans. Edward did the same and showered in Emmett's bathroom--no need to get his parents too worried about our sexual activities. As far as they know, we're still innocent little virgins. That thought made me laugh, though I felt guilty at the fact that we were breaking their trust.

Edward drove to Olympia quickly, unable to keep from smiling the whole way. His face radiated the same warm glee that I felt. He parked and held my hand as we entered the asylum. I always hated coming here, hated the fact that my father had spent his last two years here. We received our usual greeting at the desk. We had to removed anything sharp or anything that held the potential to harm the patients. We could wear no metal, so Edward slipped off his belt. I had to take off the sharp pointed lightning bolt earrings and I dropped them into our collection tin and grabbed the 'visitor' sticker from the guard. Edward did the same and we headed to the elevators. On the way there, we passed a table of patients. It was social time on the first floor, and this particular table held three bad off patients. They sat with coloring books in front of them. One of them, a frail looking woman, pulled at her already frizzy and frazzled muttering to herself about the 'men on the roof.' The man next to her, a thin African American man was coloring big circles onto the page, ignoring the pictures beneath completely. The short elderly woman sat there, twittering her hands, saying nothing but eyeing us suspiciously.

I couldn't believe this was the kind of place my father had been at. These people were truly sick, mentally and as a direct result of that, physically. Mental illnesses were taking a toll on their bodies. It pained me incredibly. When we got into the elevator to go to the third floor--the floor that housed patients dangerous to others and themselves--I sighed deeply, my lungs hurting with the effect of it.

We walked briskly to room 311, my father's room. I knocked lightly, and hearing no reply cracked the door to peek in. The room was empty and my father was no where in sight. His bed was neatly made and he had an outfit laid out on the dull sage green comforter. "Well, where is he?" I asked rhetorically.

I looked up and down the halls, empty save for a patient and her nurse, who had obviously given her medication to subdue her. I walked to the information desk and said, "Excuse me, can you tell me where Charlie Swan, the patient in 311, has gone?"

The woman, Miss Hattie Norris, narrowed her eyes. "Oh, baby, no one called you?"

"Called me about what, Hattie?"

"Charlie…he's had a…relapse."

"Relapse?" I squeaked.

She nodded and I grew confused. "How is that possible? There shouldn't be any alcohol in the hospital!"

Hattie looked at me as I fumed. She was a stout black woman, friendly, with an invitingly warm face. A face that now held pity. Edward wrapped his arm around my waist. "I don't think she meant a drinking relapse, Bella."

Thoughts swam in my head quickly. That meant he had tried to kill himself yet again. After he had just gotten off of suicide watch. I sighed and leaned into Edward, tears falling slowly, yet calmly. "How did he try it this time?" I asked, having asked the same question three other times in the last two years.

Hattie's eyes were full of sorrow for me. "He's broken a razor and tried to cut his wrists."

My shoulder grew heavy and slumped. "At least he didn't try to swallow anymore pills."

Hattie nodded. "There's only so many ways one can kill themselves in an insane asylum. We had only given him the razor after he got off watch. He had earned the privilege to shave himself."

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose, a nervous habit. I bit my lip. "How much longer then?"

"Six months," Hattie said.

It looked as though my father would be placed on watch for six more months. After he had been doing so well, too. I heard footsteps behind me and I turned around. My father was being led back to his room, his wrists freshly bandaged. The doctor had his hands on his shoulders and was saying comforting things to him.

I waved and smiled slightly at my father. He smiled a weak and shameful smile and nodded toward his door. I grabbed Edward's hand and dragged him into the room. I knew I had to talk to my father now, before I chickened out and went home. I took a deep breath and closed the door behind Edward, bracing myself for the conversation ahead.

O.O.O.O

I currently have a few ideas for this story floating around in my head, one involving an Edward tragedy and one involving a happy ending. I'm torn between the two, really. Do I really want to end on a happy note? Or make you guys shed tears?

Well, let me know what you thought of the chappie. The italicized ring description was a direct quote from _Eclipse _except, I added white in brackets because I have an aversion to yellow gold. White gold is much nicer to me.

Reviews would be nice!


	5. Chapter 4: A Talk With the Chief

**A/N: **Thanks once again to everyone who reviews and adds me to favorites/story alerts. You guys rock! (Especially myf.13--kindest review I've ever received!)

Okay, so the vote is basically unanimous--no Edward tragedy. So I'll tell you what I was going to do: I received a review wherein the reviewer told me she thought Edward was sick because of the way he'd been acting. So I was going to make Edward really sick. BUT I WAS NEVER GOING TO KILL HIM!! I could never kill of the one character worth reading the story for!

Chapter 4: A Talk With the Chief

The doctor escorted Charlie into the room and sat him down on the bed with a cold plastic Dixie cup filled with water. Charlie's arms were shaking and his face had taken on an unnatural pallor. He looked up at me and gave a wan smile, one that didn't break my heart but only got me irritated with him. I sat down in the chair across from his bed and allowed my eyes to wander around his plain and simple room--a bed, a chair, a plain white wardrobe closet to hang clothing in, and a small desk. He had a few magazines and old papers on the desk, as well as a game of solitaire being played with cards I'm sure were older than he was.

I put my head in my hands, agitated with my father and his bullshit. He cleared his throat. "So…how've you been, Bells. It's been a while since you've been up to see me."

I narrowed my eyes at him angrily. "Who do you think you are?"

He leaned away, taken aback. "What do you mean?"

I pointed sharply at his bandaged wrists. "I mean you trying to kill yourself. Where do you getting off doing shit like this?" I asked him, my voice shaking.

His brows furrowed. "I don't think you should be talking to me in such a manner, girl. I am still your father."

"What are you going to do, hit me?" I asked, trying to get a rise out of him.

He coiled back as though I'd hit him and his shoulders slumped forward. "That was two years ago, Bella. I told you it would never happen again. Are you going to ever forgive me? I haven't had a single drink since then!"

"Yeah, big whoop! You gave up drinking, only to pick up suicidal tendencies where drinking stopped. I'm sick of hearing that every time you get let off of watch, you try to kill yourself once more," I could feel the blood rushing into my face as anger boiled below the surface, my ears were ringing with the sound of it.

His blood pressure was rising, I could tell as the vein in his neck throbbed. "I don't think what I do with my life is any of your business!"

"None of her business?" Edward jumped away from the chair. "None of her business! You are her father, and she cares about you!"

"I don't believed I've asked your opinion, Cullen," Charlie said, turning a deadly puce.

"You don't need to ask for it, because you're going to hear it anyway. I am sick of hearing Bella cry at night because of the pain you are constantly causing her! I've had to hold her too many times over the last seven years because you ignored her, or you yelled at her about something irrelevant, or you gave her bruises. And now she's crying every night because her father is trying to kill himself and leave her all alone."

I looked at Edward--I had never seen him so angry in my entire life. He was shaking in anger and hatred. I touched his arm lightly and he looked down at me, where I was sitting. His face softened somewhat and he breathed deeply, trying to calm himself.

I looked at my father accusingly and he still persisted in arguing. "What does she care if I leave her alone, she's got you, doesn't she?" he asked, his voice dripping with biting acid.

"Of course she does, now and forever, no thanks to you!" he wrapped an arm around me.

"How can you say that?" I asked, crying. "How can you even question my care for you. Of course I would care. You're the only true family I have left, dad!" I was sobbing now.

"Yeah, some true family we are," he said acerbically.

"I've tried over the years to get you to engage in familial activities with me. I eventually stopped because I realized you cared more about the bottle than me! What was I supposed to do dad?" I was crying broken, harsh tears as Edward rubbed circles onto my back and glared at my father.

"Save me," my father said simply.

"How, dad?" I pleaded. "I tried to. After mom died you just became a zombie--you cared about nothing and no one, except your precious Jack Daniels! Thank God Edward had been there with me, or I wouldn't have been able to stay with you, seeing you like that!"

"Well I'm sorry I've been such a disappointment since your mother died. It wasn't exactly easy losing her," he said, his voice choked and sounding tiny.

"It wasn't easy for me, wither. But you don't see me drinking my problems away!" I screamed.

"Yes, but you still had someone to help you through it--Edward. I had no one," he said, his bottom lip trembling.

"You had me, dad," I said, shrugging helplessly.

He actually began crying then. I hated seeing him sobbing pitifully, tenderly touching his bandages and shaking violently. I went to him and knelt on my knees in front of him. "No more of this, all right?" I said, touching his wrist.

He looked into my eyes and for the first time in almost seven years, he said something kind to me. "I know. I just didn't realize what a bright, beautiful daughter I still had left. You're the only piece of your mother I have left now, and I shouldn't be wasting time in a hospital room."

I hugged him and he hugged me back tightly. I hadn't given him a hug in the longest time, but somehow, it felt right--felt like my old father in my arms, the father of my youth. "I just want to see your mother again so much, I'm desperate at this point, Bells."

I looked at his bandages and sighed, trying to imagine the amount of pain he must be suffering without my mother. "I know, dad. But _I_ need you here with me."

Charlie looked up at me and smiled weakly. "I'll try, darlin'. I promise."

He kissed my forehead and held me hand. My ring dug into his palm and he looked down at it. He held my hand up to his face and examined the antique ring. His brow furrowed as he looked up at me and then to Edward. I began blushing and Edward came to stand next to me, placing his hand on my shoulder. I rose to my feet and his arm moved to around my waist.

"When did this happen?" Charlie asked, looking disappointed.

"A few days ago," I replied.

"When should I be expecting it?" he asked.

"Before graduate school," Edward replied.

Charlie visibly relaxed a bit. And I mean a bit. "You're both so young," he said, shaking his head slightly. "You're making a mistake."

"Dad, we aren't like you and mom. We're getting married because we truly love each other. You and mom married out of convenience and love came later."

My father nodded and looked at Edward, who cleared his throat. "Is this okay with you, sir?" he asked, an edge still evident in his otherwise polite tone. "I would have came to ask your permission ahead of time--"

"I know. Carlisle and Esme taught you right," Charlie said, waving a hand.

"It was just spontaneous, you know? I just blurted it out and she said yes and then I gave her my grandmother's ring for Christmas and--"

"Edward, you're babbling. Please stop talking," I said, nudging him.

He smiled at me and then looked at my father. "It is all right if I take your daughter's hand in marriage, right?"

Charlie was silent for a very long time, thinking most likely about the mistakes he and my mother had made and how it had all worked out until the end. Edward and I stayed silent as we watched the cogs in his fragile brain working. Finally, he took my hand and kissed it lightly. "If this is truly what you want. At least you're waiting until you're twenties," he said in a tone that told me he was still disapproving but knew he was defeated.

I was choked up--something I found happening much too often these days for my taste. I leaned in and gave my father a kiss on his cheek and said, "Thank you, dad. This means more to me than you could possibly ever know."

"I'll treat her right, Charlie. She's my whole world, for now and for ever," Edward said, beaming.

Charlie nodded and laid back on his bed, putting one arm over his eyes. I took the blanket from the foot of his hospital cot--for that's all it was, not a bed but a cot-- and spread it over him. "Is there anything we can get you, dad?"

"I would like some chocolate pudding from the cafeteria if you don't mind. I missed lunch."

I nodded and went for the door. "Oh, and Bella?" I heard my father's voice.

"Yeah?" I asked, looking around Edward at where my father was looking at me.

"If you really need me here with you, then I'll be around. I promise I won't try anything again," he said, with the most sincerity I've ever heard from him.

I nodded and said, "Thank you. Please keep your word."

After retrieving pudding from the cafeteria, we drove home in near silence. My father had been sleeping peacefully when I snuck in to give him the pudding, looking almost innocent. That was the scene I wanted to keep in my mind--not my father drunk and stumbling, or crying. Just sleeping like a normal human, problem free.

I also thought of Edward and my mother. My father had said it had been hard for him to lose my mother. The extent to which he actually loved my mother had never occurred to me, until now. I looked over at Edward and my heart practically swelled with love for him. He looked down at me at the red light and brushed my cheek lightly--a simple, sweet gesture that held more meaning to me than I ever thought possible. There was no doubt in my mind that if I lost Edward, I'd kill myself. The only difference between Charlie and I is that it wouldn't take me three tries. I'd follow along right after Edward, to Heaven, to Hell, to the great unknown.

O.O.O.O

Very short, but I mean…I did what I had to do with this chapter--told Charlie and had a nice family cry session. Successful for only, like, 1700 words, eh?

Please review! I love them, as you know!


	6. Chapter 5: The New Professor

**A/N: **Thanks, as usual. More than ten people said 'yes' to making him sick. So…I've picked a disease and you'll see it in the future. Not in the next few chapters, but…in future ones, I think.

Chapter 5: The New Professor

When we got back to school, after the most wonderful journey back to our home, things weren't too different. Edward may have dropped mythology, but his biology classes made up for that. He was still stuck studying into the early hours of the morning and working all other times. We were both too tired for any type of physical interaction, besides the occasional kiss here and there.

It was early in the morning as I headed out for breakfast with him before we had to head to class. He was looking as though he were coming down with the flu, and I put my hands on my hips when I opened the door and caught sight of him. "Edward, why aren't you in bed? You look sick!"

He shrugged. "I feel fine. Just a little tired. College life, you know?" he said, though I felt like he wasn't telling me everything.

He grabbed my hand and brought me in for a kiss, one that was far too quick to be romantic, but too long to be a peck. "Let's go grab some breakfast. I'm famished!" I said as we got into his car.

He laughed lightly and we went to a local diner for some food. He ordered toast and a coffee, but didn't eat or drink a thing. I looked at him disapprovingly and he smiled again. "I'm not hungry. Really, you should stop worrying about me, Bella. Mom does it enough."

"Well, sorry if I care about your health and safety, Edward," I said, feeling moody at his comment.

He touched my hand and I drew it away. He sighed and sat back and examined as I ate my eggs. "So, American Studies…how's that going?" he asked.

I had decided to take an American studies class, my minor being western history. I shrugged. "I dunno. Only been in it a few times."

"I heard the teacher is excellent," Edward commented, taking a small sip of coffee.

"He is, I suppose. Really young, though."

And so the morning went, an uncomfortable conversation fizzling into silence. Edward was irritated that I didn't believe him when he said he was fine, and I was pissed that he was lying to me about it. He dropped me off in front of my building and drove toward his dorms, not having a class for another hour or so. I entered my American Studies class in silence, not looking anyone in the eyes. I took a seat in the first row and took out my laptop.

Meredith came to sit next to me. "What's up, buttercup?" she asked, seeing me visibly upset.

"Edward," I said simply.

She nodded and the professor came into the room, silencing all conversations. The professor, Professor Jacob Black, was a tall American Indian man, with russet skin and flippy coal hair. He tied it back in a ponytail and it shined in the light with his every move. He had large doe eyes in his sunken, handsome face. He was burly, the exact opposite of my beloved Edward--more like Emmett. All of the girls fawned over him, while I viewed him as another teacher, set on stealing my time.

His class was fairly interesting, seeing as he loved to weave Native American Quileute stories through out. He still said things like "pale faces" and such, making us laugh behind his back, while still holding a deep respect for him. He loved his culture and he loved the country, what it was before the Settlers, and what it's become now. And his lectures were evidence of this.

The whole time he told the story of the Jamestown famine, in graphic detail, my mind wandered to Edward. He was growing more and more distant. It was almost February, and he and I hadn't spend any quality alone time together since we had come from home. I was going to do something amazing for him for Valentines' Day, I had to…

I was awoken from a day dream, one involving nakedness and wine, when Meredith nudged me. "Class is over," she said, picking up her bag and heading towards the door.

I was nearly out of the door, when, "Miss Swan, may I see you for a moment?"

Damn. Now I was going to get into trouble for daydreaming while he taught. I began apologizing profusely. "I'm sorry, sir. My mind just began to wander, and I'm sor-"

He held up a hand to cut me off and I stared at his dark pink palm, abruptly shutting up. "Miss Swan, I don't care if you sleep in my class. It's your money you're wasting, if you do. Though…its nice to know I can put you to sleep. I had no idea my lectures were that boring," he smiled good-naturedly, his teeth shocking white against his reddened skin.

"They aren't, I just…" I had no idea what to say.

"It's okay. But I didn't call you over to scold you about your inattentiveness. I wanted to tell you about the University's 'Coping With Addictions and Disorders' group. I heard about your father, and I think it would be a wonderful idea for you to meet some people who are trying to deal with the same things you are."

My heart began pounding. "I don't think it's any of your business, Professor Black."

"I know this, but…these students are just like you, dealing with addict parents or addictions themselves. It would be a good place to let go and talk about it."

"I don't want to talk about it. And I _don't_ want to go and listen to a bunch of sad-sacks tell their depressing stories," I said acidly. "I don't think my father and his problems are anyone business but mine and his!"

Professor Black looked upset at my rant, but nodded. "All right, then. Forget I mentioned it."

"Oh, I will," I said, snatching my bag and storming out of the classroom.

I went to the library and sat at mine and Edward's usual table, only to find the boy there. "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in biology?"

He jumped at the sound of my voice and slammed the book he was reading shut. He stowed it away in his bag quickly and I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. "What were you reading?"

He shrugged. "Oh, nothing, just a book for a report I'm doing."

"But why are you here?" I asked again.

"The Professor was ill. Rescheduled class for Wednesday afternoon. Alastor will be so thrilled to hear I'm taking yet another day off."

He sighed and ran a hand over his face before holding out his arms. I went to him and sat in his lap, carefully balancing myself on his leg. "How was American Studies?"

I huffed and he raised an eyebrow. "It was fine," I said shortly, glad that we were just going to ignore our tiff from earlier.

He nodded and kissed my temple lightly. "What do you say we go back to your room? Merry's been driving me nuts," I said.

He smiled and lifted me up and set me on my feet. "All right. But I warn you…it's a mess."

"Eh, when hasn't Jonathan left his crap all around your room?" I joked.

"Actually…I think it's my stuff this time," he said guiltily. "I haven't had time to unpack yet, and I kinda need to do laundry…"

"I'll take it for you. I need to wash some clothes, too," I said.

"You don't have to do that. I can do it," he replied.

"Yeah, when?" I asked.

He grinned and shrugged, hugging me from behind as we walked. "What _would_ I do without you?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, honestly."

He laughed, a heart melting noise. I smiled and sighed, loving the sound of his musical laugh. When we got to his dorm, Jonathan was nowhere to be found. Not that you could find anything in his room, anyway. There was clothing and miscellaneous pieces of junk everywhere, some Edward's and some Jonathan's. I wrinkled my nose at the sight of a pizza box with a half eaten piece of pizza from Lord knows how long ago. "Ugh. This is…gross!"

He smiled shyly. "I told you," he said, picking up some of his clothes and putting them in his hamper apologetically.

I pulled his blanket up and laid back on his bed, staring at the ceiling, reveling in the scent of Edward. I could never get of that maddeningly intoxicating scent. He flopped down next to me and I had a flash back to when we were seventeen and spent rainy days in the same position. I rolled onto my side and buried my face in his neck, kissing it lightly. He cuddled his head right up to mine and wrapped his arms around me, rubbing my forearm gently. "Man…I miss this," he said.

"Me, too," I said. "I can't wait until the summer. We'll have a little time to ourselves, finally."

He sighed happily and kissed my hair. "We have all the time in the world together," he replied cryptically.

I furrowed my brow, confounded by his statement. He began to hum softly, and I recognized it as the lullaby he wrote to describe our lives when we were seventeen. "I love that song," I told him.

"You still remember it?" he asked, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Of course. It was beautiful and perfect. It was our lives in music."

"I wish I could play it for you," he said, sighing.

"Me too. It has been too long since you and I had a good piano session," I said.

"I played on Christmas."

"Yeah, but those were carols. Not _our song_. I want to hear you play for the hell of it, composing your own works. Those are my favorite."

"I'll write you a piece on my guitar," he promised.

"Oooh, make it bluesy and soulful!" I said.

"Of course," he replied, definitely smiling now.

We remained silent for a while before I decided to bring up what Professor Black had said to me. "My American Studies professor seems to think I need to join the 'Coping With Addictions and Disorders' group."

I heard a humming noise at the back of Edward's throat before he said, "Well, perhaps you should go. It might be good for you to meet others with the same kinds of problems you've been dealing with. They'd be able to talk to you."

"I don't need anyone to talk to except you. You've gotten me through this up until now."

I felt him sigh, rather than heard him. "Bella, you know I'll always be there for you, too. But, these people have a lot more insight into the matter than I do."

I leaned up and looked down at him. He frowned and touched my face lightly. "Bella, go. These people can help you deal with it."

"But…I don't want these people in my business, Edward," I said.

"They're going through the same thing. It will be a common problem amongst everyone. No one can judge, and no one can laugh."

I furrowed my brow and thought about it as I snuggled back into Edward's side. "You really think I should go?"

"I do," he replied simply.

We fell back into a silence and I eventually heard his breathing grow heavy. I got up and retrieved his spare blanket. I spread it over his slumbering form and he stirred softly for a moment, before settling. This was one of my favorite times to look at Edward--when he was sleeping. He always looked so peaceful and amazing. He was like a fallen angel, perfect and luminescent--and he was _my_ fallen angel. I kissed his forehead and looked around the room.

I sighed and began to pick up clothing from his side of the room and putting it in his hamper. He had already started this process, but there was still jeans and dirty shirts on the floor. I picked up his jeans and stuck my hands into the pocket, looking for loose papers or money that would get ruined in the wash. Nothing in the first pair. I retrieved a second pair and there, in the back pocket was a note he had written to himself: _"Call Dr. Oppenheim--blood work."_

My eyebrows knitted together in confusion and turned it over to find nothing else written, except that one cryptic statement. I shoved the note into my pocket, my heart racing. Why would Edward need to call Dr. Oppenheim? What kind of doctor was he? Why hadn't he told me of this?

I looked down at Edward's serene face and returned to the task at hand, new thoughts and worries on my mind.

O.O.O.O

So, there was another chapter. For those of you who said you couldn't read ch 5 before, that's because it was an author's note that I took down after ten people said to make Edward sick.

Anyway...reviews would be absolutely lovely!! We're over 200. For only 5 chapters!! You guys are amazing reviewers! Keep it up!


	7. Chapter 6: CWA&D

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and adds, as usual. But you guys really are too paranoid. I AM NOT GOING TO KILL EDWARD. You've got my word as a writer on that. I PROMISE!! Sheesh. But he is going to be really sick for a while…

Chapter 6: Coping With Addictions and Disorders

The meeting was on Tuesday. Tuesday, what a terrible day, right? You're still tired from working all weekend and not even close to looking forward to the next one. So, at four in the afternoon, after kissing my love goodbye when I left him at the restaurant (a.k.a. Hell on earth for him), I headed toward the hall with the empty meeting room.

I opened the door and was surprised to find Professor Black setting up a small refreshment table. I stalled in the doorway, still feeling irritated with him for suggesting this, and yet, surprised to find him standing there. "Oh, I must have the wrong room," I said, backing out and checking the plaque on the door.

No, this was meeting hall number four. Professor Black turned around and his face broke into a soft smile. "Hello, Miss Swan. You're in the right place. And the first here, too."

"Unfortunately," I mumbled.

He frowned ever so slightly before regaining composure and smiling. "I'm glad you decided to come today, Miss Swan. I think you'll find the others incredibly helpful in helping you deal."

I nodded skeptically. He gestured toward the table. "How about helping me set up?"

I set my bag down in one of the chairs (they were arranged in a circle--oh Lord) and walked to where he was opening a bag of chips and pouring them into a bowl. I opened the salsa and poured it into a styrofoam bowl. "Everyone always contributes to the snacks, so I'll expect you to have something next week, Miss Swan," he stated.

I nodded again. I doubted I would be back next week. "You're awfully quiet today? No sarcastic remarks or witty humor?" he asked, grinning now.

"None that I can think of," I replied.

"Uh huh…perhaps you're ill?" he joked, pressing his palm to my forehead.

I leaned away from his warm palm on my forehead and he laughed, a deep husky laugh to match his smoky voice. We finished setting up an array of different snacks and finally, some others finally started to file in. They all took their places around the circle and stared at me as I moved my bag and took my seat. Professor Black sat next to me and placed a hand on my shoulder.

All whispering ceased immediately and everyone started attentively at him, and curiously at me. "Everyone, I would like to introduce you to Isabella Swan. She's here because of some problems with her father."

The others nodded understandingly and a few waved at me and greeted me. Their kindness drove me crazy. I simply nodded unenthusiastically and Professor Black spoke once more. "Miss Swan, I'd like you to share something about yourself with the group."

I thought blankly. There was absolutely nothing interesting about me that these people--all of whom I didn't know--cared about. I looked at each one of them. The guy across from me, who I assumed was good looking (though, I was spoiled by Edward's heavenly looks, and this guy paled in comparison), nodded at me encouragingly.

"Well," I cleared my throat, "I'm Bella. I hail from Forks--the most uneventful town on the west coast. I think my family drama was the most drama to happen in the history of Forks…"

"And what family drama would that be, Bella?" a slight girl asked me.

I blushed and looked at the floor. "Just…some stuff."

"We don't have any secrets here," a girl next to me said, placing her hand on my knee lightly.

I shook my knee free and sat back in my chair. When it became apparent to the group that I wasn't going to share my dysfunctional story yet, Professor Black cleared his throat. "All right, Bella. Why don't you just listen in as someone else shares a story? Get more comfortable?"

"Sure, Professor," I said.

"Please, outside of class, I encourage use of first names. Call me Jacob, or Jake."

I nodded once more. With as much as I was nodding today, I felt like a damn bobble head doll. "Jeremiah, why don't you begin?"

A frail looking African American boy, with the most gorgeous green eyes--shocking against his dark skin--smiled. "Well, I'm Jeremiah, though most of you know that already," he winked at me, "And I'm from Seattle."

"And why are you here?" Jacob asked.

Jeremiah's easy going look didn't drop from his face as he spoke the next words. "Oh me? I was addicted to heroin for seven years."

My jaw dropped. He looked relatively healthy, a bit skinny, but otherwise ship-shape. He laughed at my expression and continued. "I know, right? Me, a heroin addict? When I was eleven, my father died and my mother began prostituting herself to take care of us. Not a year after his death, I ran away from home and got dragged into the Seattle drug underground. It started with pot and ecstasy, then LSD."

"So when did heroin come into the picture?" I asked.

"Shortly after. I was almost thirteen the first time," Jeremiah said casually, as though his story bored him.

"But why?" I asked, thoroughly intrigued.

"None of the other drugs had that right feeling. But with heroin, I don't know. It just felt good, like nothing else I had ever experienced."

"What made you stop?" I asked, still confounded by the fact that this healthy looking college student could possibly have been a heroin addict.

"My mother died last year. I had to take care of my teenaged brother. I knew I didn't want to get him involved with this kind of life, so my uncles paid for me to get clean."

Everyone else in the group clapped and the potentially good looking boy from earlier clapped him on the shoulder. I smiled. "That's amazing."

"Yeah. I've been clean for almost nine months," he said.

"How'd you end up here?" a short girl with stringy hair asked.

"I got a free ride a few years back. Don't ask me how, though. I think it was a gift from God, personally."

"Well, that story certainly is a fascinating one. How are you dealing with your addiction now?" Professor Black asked.

This was the one time throughout Jeremiah's little speech that his face actually darkened, became brooding. "It's hard sometimes. Especially with the stress of senior year. Whenever times got tough before, heroin was there for me. Now, I find it hard to resist going to buy some to help me get through exam week."

I made a sympathetic noise at the back of my throat. Professor Black nodded understandingly. "And are you dealing? Have you slipped up at all?"

Jeremiah shook his head. "No. I haven't slipped. At least not recently. There was one time last summer, when my brother ran away from home and I didn't know what happened to him. He's since moved in with my uncles."

"And without that responsibility of taking care of your brother anymore, why haven't you gone back to the drug?" Professor Black interrogated.

Jeremiah smiled bitterly. "I was sick of feeling sick everyday. Withdrawing when I didn't have the money. Living life in a hazy cloud. It was terrible. I find life to be much more fulfilling without the heroin."

We all clapped once more and Professor thanked Jeremiah for telling his story. I saw him glance at me from the corner of his eye and I shook my head. I still wasn't ready to go yet. He gestured to the small, stringy haired girl. "Sadie, how about you?"

The girl looked reluctant, but shrugged nonetheless. "I'm Sadie Walker. Cutter."

I raised an eyebrow as I watched her nervously tug at the sleeve of her shirt, careful to keep her evidence of this story well covered. There was a knock on the door and Professor Black got up to answer it. "Oh, hello? Professor Black?" came a velvety voice I could recognize in my sleep.

I smiled widely as I heard him say, "I hope this is the right place. I came as quickly as I could. Took off work to be here. Well, something like that anyway."

Edward was rambling as he always did when was nervous he might be in the wrong. Professor Black extended his hand. "I'm Professor Jacob Black. Call me Jake. Welcome to the 'Coping With Addictions and Disorders' discussion group."

He stepped back and I saw Edward stride quickly into the room. His eyes locked with mine and he grinned as he came over. I gave him a questioning look and he leaned down and whispered into my ear, "I wanted to be here with you. At your first meeting."

He squeezed my hand lovingly. "Edward, is it? I'm sorry, but we appear to be out of chairs. You may take mine if you'd like," Professor Black offered.

"No thank you, Professor."

"Jake, please," Jacob said.

I would never get used to calling him by his first name…Edward sat on the floor in front of me and leaned back on my legs, stretching his own out in front of him and crossing his ankles. "Sadie, please continue," Jacob said kindly, though his tone had changed to something of irritation.

Sadie seemed momentarily befuddled by Edward's looks. She raised her glazed eyes up and shook her head. "I-I'm Sadie, as I said. I was a cutter."

"When was the first time you cut yourself?" someone asked.

"When I was sixteen," she answered, giving as little information as possible.

"May I ask, what brought it about?" Jacob asked.

Sadie's eyes fell to the floor and she tugged at her shirt once more. "I was…I was…my father took some not so fatherly steps with me."

We all nodded, understanding what she meant and that this was too hard for her to admit using exact terms. "How did that make you feel, Sadie?" Jeremiah asked sympathetically.

She shrugged. "Dirty. Used. Lost."

"And the cutting?" I asked.

She glanced briefly at me, then at Edward leaning against me as I brushed my hand through his hair absentmindedly. "It came after. I didn't know how to tell anyone what he was doing. I felt useless and hopeless. The blade helped clear my mind. Helped me feel real feelings after such a long time being numb."

Edward nodded and smiled kindly at her, I'd imagine, because her face turned bright red and she sat back. He opened his mouth to speak. "And how are you dealing with this incident now?"

She looked down once more. "I still cut sometimes. But not too often. I've met some people who encouraged me to get help. That's why I'm here."

"Well," Edward replied, "I'm sure I speak for everyone in saying that we are proud of you for seeking help. It's not an easy thing to do."

Jacob looked taken aback, as though Edward had said his line and agitated that this unpunctual Greek god was playing the sympathetic listener. I knew Edward wasn't playing anything. Edward genuinely meant what he said, and only I heard the implied meaning behind his words. He had remembered the first time he had climbed through _my_ window, seeking help instead of giving it. It hadn't been easy for him to ask me to comfort him, to have me see him cry.

Jacob looked at me and raised an eyebrow. "Miss Swan? Care to share, yet?"

Edward looked up at me and gave me an encouraging smile. When I grimaced, he took my hand and squeezed it lightly, kissing it once. I sighed and shrugged. "I don't even know where to begin."

"From the beginning, Bella," Edward whispered. "From your mother."

"All right, then. My name is Bella Swan. I don't have an addiction or disorder. My father does."

There was a simultaneous sigh from a few people in the group, assumingly those who had parents that were addicted as well. "When did it start?" Professor Black--Jacob asked.

I was hesitant and Edward squeezed my hand once more as it rested on his shoulder. "When my mother died when I was twelve."

"The death of a loved one, particularly a spouse can be difficult for some," Jacob said.

I nodded bitterly. "My dad kind of died with her. He began drinking…heavily. It helped numb him, just as Sadie's knife helped to awaken her, I suppose. He didn't want to feel anything. He stopped talking to me and withdrew into himself."

"How did you cope with his numbness? With the ignoring?" a chubby boy with fiery hair, whose nametag read Harold, asked.

I looked down at the top of Edward's hair, moved my hand from his shoulder to the side of his neck. "If it weren't for this man right here holding me while I cried, telling me he wasn't worth it, I wouldn't have been able to cope."

I kissed the top of his head and an attractive blond girl said, "Aww! How sweet!"

I laughed lightly. "But there's more, isn't there?" the chubby boy asked.

I nodded. "Two years ago, he tried to kill himself by downing his seizure reducing barbiturates. The put him in Roaring Oceans, in the ward reserved for those who are dangerous to only themselves."

A man, who looked too old to still be a student--probably from years of addiction to one drug or another--raised his hand slightly. "I was sent there as well. It's not a fun place."

I shook my head slowly. "No, it is not."

"Please tell me this story has a happy ending," the blond girl, whose nametag I couldn't quite read, but appeared to read Katie, begged.

This was when me eyes began to well. Edward turned around and leaned on my chair, his hand on my knee. He wiped a stray tear from my cheek and smiled warmly. "It's okay, Bella. You don't have to finish."

Jacob looked irritated with Edward's interlude, but said nothing. I touched his face lovingly and choked out, "You tell them…so they aren't curious," and then let out a weak laugh.

"You sure?" he asked.

I nodded. Edward turned to face the group, the side of his body still leaning on my chair, his hand patting my knee lightly. Everyone looked at him expectantly and he averted his eyes to the floor. "Chief Swan had a bit of a relapse on Christmas."

"Oh, no!" Katie said, horrified and saddened.

"He's been attempting suicide off and on since arriving at Roaring Oceans. He tried to cut himself with a shaving razor."

"Is he all right?" Jeremiah asked, understanding what it felt like to lose a father.

Edward nodded. "In a sense, I suppose so. He didn't die, if that's what you mean. He is still a very ill individual, and will remain in Roaring Oceans until deemed stable. Six months this time."

"He did keep his promise to quit drinking, though," I said, trying my hardest to redeem my father's reputation.

"Good for him. Quitting is the first step toward recovery, I find," Jeremiah said.

"He promised to stop trying to kill himself. We'll see if he keeps this one," Edward said, and I heard the underlying bitterness in his voice.

I nudged him with my foot and he shot me an apologetic look. "I'm sorry. He just caused you so much grief, Bella," he whispered, kissing my knee to let me know he was truly sorry.

I pushed my hand though his hair again as the man who looked too old for his age nodded. "My father was an alcoholic as well. Beat the hell out of my mother. I don't know if you can sympathize with that aspect of alcoholism?" he asked curiously.

I looked at the floor. "He only hit me once. Well, really I tripped and that's what caused the most damage."

"Do not create excuses, Bella," Jacob said kindly. "Your father needs to know that he was the one at fault."

I nodded and motioned for the guy to go on. "Anyway, I'm Sid. And I'm not here to talk about my father as much as I am to discuss myself."

"But your father's alcoholism and abuse was a direct cause of your addiction?" Edward asked.

Sid looked at Edward and smiled. "I guess you're right. But, as much as I hate that bastard, I should have been responsible for my own actions, been better than him."

Edward nodded. "I understand completely. But sometimes the strain of having such a parent can cause one to become irrational. Cause them to seek out alternative methods of comfort."

Sid laughed. "Too right you are, Edward. Well, after my father got sentenced to five years in prison for fraud, I took the opportunity to split. Came to Seattle, looking for work. Got swept up, just as Jeremiah did. Except my poison was crystal meth. That's a wicked drug, let me tell you. Highly addictive and extremely aging. If I asked you how old you thought I was, what would you answer? 30? 35?"

"Probably," a few people said.

Sid smiled angrily. "I'm twenty-four. Started attending Washington State at the age of twenty one."

I raised my eyebrows. Crystal meth had worked him over big time. He continued. "Anyway, I lost my house and my job. I slept in my old beat up Chevy for almost a year before I walked into the clinic at age nineteen. I had lived on the streets numerous times before, so I wasn't really a stranger to the ways of stealing and lying to get what I needed."

"When did you quit? Or really, how did you?" I asked politely.

"I had been hooked since I was fifteen, and in and out of rehab since I was sixteen. But one day, I didn't have the money to buy any. I walked into the clinic, hoping that they could give me something that would stop the terrible withdraws."

"Did they?" the blond Katie asked.

"Yes, and for the following subsequent days, too. They treated me for free for the first ninety days. I chose to work odd jobs for them after that, to pay them back. They in turn allowed me to stay there and help me until I found a place of my own."

"Did you find it easy to stop? Mentally?" Jacob asked.

"Not at all. It was difficult, as it is with anyone with an addiction. Five years later, and I still fantasize about the feeling of being completely strung out. I was hoping that meeting others like me could lead me in the right direction, allow me to avoid a relapse."

I nodded and Edward said, "I'm sure I speak for everyone again when I say, we're all here to help you out. Any of us can talk to you, if you need it."

I looked at Edward. His heart really was too large and kind, offering to help a complete stranger. I thought of the note I had found in his back pocket and tried to squash it from my mind. I wouldn't bother him with it today, he looked too tired and too content.

Sid smiled. "Thanks, kid. I really needed to hear someone say that. What are you in for?"

Edward leaned back on my legs and stretched his out once more. "I'm here to support my lifelong friend and fiancee. I've had to watch as her father ruined his life, and broke hers completely. All the while grieving over the death of someone I loved dearly."

Katie smiled. "You are perfect, then. A true friend and love. To be there when she needed you, even though you were experiencing a rough patch yourself."

Edward shrugged off her compliment. I was glad to see, however, that the blond was not flirting with Edward. She was just genuinely caring. I silently wondered why she was here. "My best friend needed me and I had to help her. It wasn't easy, dealing with two sets of problems, but we were there for each other. She is my reason for living, for going through each and every day. My heart, my soul. I couldn't leave her to fight her own battles."

He looked lovingly at me and I grinned, slightly chagrined by his sweet confession. Everyone else was looking at us as though they wished they could have what we had and I couldn't help but feel sorry for them. I didn't think it was possible for anyone to be as close as Edward and I are. We are one person, really. I didn't even know love could be so powerful until I experienced it fully.

"I am thrilled to hear that you two are getting married. You seem like characters out of a fairy tale, ya know? Life long friends turned soul mate lovers? That's not easy to find," Katie said.

I grinned brilliantly and ruffled Edward's hair. "Yeah, I'm not letting him escape."

"So, what about you, pretty lady?" Sid asked Katie. "What's your story, huh?"

Katie swatted him. "Don't call me 'pretty lady' ever again. My name is Katie. Or Kathryn. Which ever."

Sid laughed and apologized humorously. "Well, what's the story, then?"

Katie's face grew somber. "My dad left my mother when I was eighteen. She killed herself right before school began this year."

"I am so sorry to hear that. Losing a loved one is a terrible feeling," Edward said, able to connect with Katie's emotions after the death of his own grandparents had killed him on the inside.

She nodded, thankful for his words. "It's a rather depressing story. I went into a deep depression there for a while, ya know? Was put on suicide watch myself for a week. But, anyway, I really want to hear about Edward and Bella some more. Something uplifting to cheer us after so many sad tales today?"

I looked at Edward and he raised an eyebrow. No one had ever really been interested in us before. "What do you want to know?" I asked.

I was hoping against all hope that she wasn't going to ask about our love. I felt that this was a private topic, one to be kept to us, and definitely not shared with people I didn't know. She surprised me and said, "I would love to hear about your childhood, your lives back in Forks, did you say it was?"

Katie was so kind, I found myself unable to refuse her. "Yes, Forks, Washington. Population: 6. Intriguing."

She laughed and smiled brightly. "Hey, Jake, how about letting us out, huh? We can all go grab some coffee at the café and talk about our lives…the happy parts."

Jake nodded and waved his hands up. "All right, everyone. That was a good start to our program. Sharing your stories and learning to trust others with information so personal is a wonderful beginning to coping with difficulties. I'm thrilled that you all are hitting it off so easily. We'll meet next week, and the remainder of you can share your stories. Then we'll begin on how to look past the addiction and see the future."

"Goodbye, Professor," a few people said, heading out of the door.

I lagged behind and Edward kissed my cheek. "I've got to head back to work now, babe. I'll see you tonight."

"How'd you get off anyway? I left you at the restaurant and came straight here."

"I watched you leave and it killed me not to be able to come and support you. This is important for you to do, Bella. These people can really be beneficial in helping you understand and cope with Charlie's problems."

"But how'd you get off work?"

Edward smiled sheepishly. "I told Alastor that he either let me off for this, or he was going to lose his best waiter. You know I'm the fastest and most efficient waiter there. He let me go. Grudgingly, I might add."

I leaned up on my tip toes and kissed the tip of his nose. "Well, I appreciate it. I really do. Without you here…I don't think I could've said anything. I needed your familiarity and guidance, I guess."

He gave me a shoulder squeeze and asked, "Are you coming back again next week?"

I smiled. "I think I will. I really like the people here, even if their stories are every bit as depressing as mine," I said, thinking of Jeremiah, Sid, and Katie.

Edward grinned. "Good for you, Bella. You coming with me to my car?"

I shook my head. "No, you go ahead. I'll see you tonight."

He kissed my cheek once more and left. Professor Black was cleaning up the food, whistling an unfamiliar tune. "Professor Black?" I asked.

"Please, Miss Swan, call me Jacob when we aren't in class. I insist."

"All right," I replied awkwardly. "But you have to call me Bella. None of this 'Miss Swan' business."

He laughed. "Sure thing. Did you need something, Bella."

I looked at the floor and shuffled my feet nervously. "I just wanted to apologize for my…explosion the other day. It was unfair to you."

He put a hand up to stop me. "Please, don't apologize. I understand that sharing family secrets can be incredibly difficult. I didn't want you to feel like I was pressuring you to join, but I wanted to let you know that it was an option."

"Oh you didn't pressure me," I replied. "That would've been Edward."

He laughed and scooped the chips crumbs into a trash bag. I stood by him and helped throw away Styrofoam cups and plates. "Why don't you come to the café with us?"

He looked torn. "I really shouldn't fraternize with students. Makes me look bad, you know."

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh, come on, Jacob. There's no harm in coming to talk with us. You're not much older than us, and you've got interesting stories to tell. There's no reason you can't be friends with students. I'm not asking you to have a love affair with one or anything."

He looked horrified by that thought and I put my hands up. "It was a joke. But seriously, we all love your stories. Come with."

In reality, I was beginning to enjoy the Professor's talks and the calm demeanor with which he delivered them. He was funny and young enough to have things in common with us. He also seemed lonely in the world of elderly professor's here at Washington State. I was trying desperately to show him how I appreciate his encouragement to join the group.

He finally nodded and we finished cleaning up. "Do you need a ride?" he asked.

I nodded, remembering that I had taken the shuttle here. We arrived quickly at a small café, known around here for its excellent gourmet coffee and cinnamon rolls. It was the kind of place that had poetry reads on Saturday nights and people snapped their fingers. Incredibly cramped, but perfectly cozy.

We entered, having dashed through the rain from the parking lot and spotted our fellow group members. Sid, Katie, Jeremiah, and the potentially good looking guy, whose name I believe was Nick, were all there. The others hadn't come, however. I was grateful for that. These were the four I had connected with most. "Whoa, Bella, you brought the teach?" Sid teased.

I flicked him in the shoulder and Jacob and I sat at the adjacent table. "Why not? Professor Black is cool."

The others nodded and Katie began her interrogation. "So, how did you and Edward first meet?"

"Well…" I began, and soon, I was spilling out a condensed version of my life story, without too much private detail, to people who, only two hours ago had been complete strangers.

I enjoyed every minute of the freedom I felt, releasing my history--the cheerful bits.

O.O.O.O

Okay, so I know I didn't answer a whole lot about Edward's illness or anything, but that's in future chapter. And NO! EDWARD DOES NOT HAVE AN STD!! How would he get it? My Edward is faithful to Bella, a pure gentleman.

REVIEWS WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY LOVELY!


	8. Chapter 7: Not Enough Time

A/N: You guys are going to HATE me for this chapter. But, please have faith in me, dear readers. I beggeth of thee.

Chapter 7: Not Enough Time

Weeks were beginning to flow together without much breaking. Soon it was March, before I even knew it. I had been meeting with the group every Tuesday since January, accompanied by Edward every time. With every meeting, I grew closer and closer to Sid, Katie, Nick, and Jeremiah. We did all of the activities together and spent every Tuesday afternoon together, chatting about nothing in particular. Somehow, our meaningless banter held deep meaning for me. Edward never accompanied us to the café, for he had to work directly after the meeting. I was able to grow more and more independent from him with every meeting that passed. I was still grateful he came, however. He was the one constancy in my life that I could always count on to be there and ready for anything I ask of him. Not because he was a pushover, but because he loved me.

I was sitting at our usual table at the café, waiting for Nick and Jeremiah to arrive. They had stayed after to help Jake clean up. The three of them would be coming soon. Katie and I sipped our coffee as Sid ordered his. Nick and Jeremiah stormed through the door, Jake following and shaking his sopping hair on the two younger men. He was letting out a husky laugh, one that I found slightly alluring. Jeremiah's laugh was a booming one, odd for a boy as slight as he was. And Nick…well, he just kind of snickered a lot.

Jake took his seat next to me and stole a bite of muffin. He was still a teacher, and gave off an aura of authority, but he was so young that he fit in nicely with our group. He held many of the same interests as us, and we were even planning to attend an indie concert that was coming our way in May. I liked him as a person, just as I liked the others. He reminded me somewhat of Edward.

I hadn't seen too much of Edward outside of the Tuesday meetings. Actually, I really only saw him on Tuesdays. He was busy every other day. Truth was, I missed him. Badly. His laugh, his smile, his joie de vivre, our time together. It was all gone, replaced with stress, fatigue, irritation, time apart.

"Hey, everyone. Sorry we're late. Jake needed to change into his 'casual wear,'" Nick said.

"It's cool. We were only here long enough to eat the entire stock of baked goods," I replied, eating a bite of my third muffin.

Jake laughed cheerfully. "I'm sorry. I couldn't come out in that rain in my suit. It's much too clammy out."

We all laughed at the fact that he was worried today, when in all reality, it rained _everyday _in Washington. The depressing atmosphere was the whole reason Seattle grunge came about: pissed off teens were sick of life, adults, and the weather around here. I sat and listened idly to my friends as they spoke about today's session, filling out a crossword puzzle. The topic was 'the South' and I couldn't remember which state General Robert E. Lee hailed from. Oh well.

"What's got you so down today, Bella?" Jake asked quietly, as to not draw attention to me.

I shrugged and said nothing. He took this as a hint to shut up and turn back to my other friends. That's another reason I like Professor Black so much: he knew how to read people. When I wanted to be left alone, he did it without question.

"What do you say we all go out to Puget Sound and take the ferry? They serve excellent dinner, and the water is beautiful," Sid said.

I looked out of the window at the torrential downpour. "But its raining buckets."

Sid laughed. "It's always raining in Seattle. Life still goes on."

"Will the ferry even be running, though?" I asked.

"Of course. As I said, life goes on, despite the monsoon!" he replied laughing.

"I'm game!" Mike said.

"Me too!" came the response from Katie, Mike, and Jeremiah.

Everyone looked at me and I looked at Jake. He nodded. "Yeah, me too, I guess."

I sighed, thinking of the time I could be spending with Edward tonight if he hadn't decided to pull a double shift at the restaurant. "All right. But we can't stay out too late. I've got Sociology in the morning."

Everyone grinned and we all clambered in the rain to Sid's van. It was an ancient thing, but it ran perfectly and was spacious enough to fit us all comfortably. The ride to the port was a relatively short one, in which we discussed politics, musical taste (mine was way different than theirs by a long shot), and sports, which I knew virtually nothing about. It was a pleasant drive, however. It kept my mind off of Edward and my father, and on the beauty that Washington has to offer.

When we parked the car, the ferry was docked and loading passengers. It was still raining like the Dickens, but I didn't really expect the weather to change. We each handed the man at the gate a five dollar bill and boarded. We chose to sit on the second level, because the third was exposed to the elements, while the first was crowded with mothers and their small children who wanted to watch the wheel churn the water over. I had never been on a ferry that served food, so this was a new experience for me.

Our table was small and round, nailed firmly to the floor. It was covered to keep us from getting wet, but was close enough to the railing that we had a perfect view of the water. There was a misty fog rolling out over the bay, giving it a foreboding feel. Yet, I found it indescribably beautiful.

"Swan, you all right?" Sid asked, breaking me from my reverie.

I nodded, flashing him my airy smile and turning back to the water. My friends began talking about psychology, and though this was my major, I had no desire to join in the conversation. I was far too absorbed in the content feeling within me. A waiter, dressed causally enough, handed us paper menus and asked what beverages we wanted. After an order of root beer, I glanced over the menu and saw too many things that looked appetizing. I am one of the most indecisive fuckers one is likely to meet in life. So, after five minutes of internal debate, I went for the steak and side salad meal. Easy, simple, and delicious.

After the waiter brought our drinks, the food quickly followed. My friends were fully immersed in a conversation about Freud by this point. I have to admit, Freud's views were a little off the wall and I was not so keen to accept his views. Me, being the only psychology major at the only table, was soon dragged into the conversation. "Freud was a brilliant man, right Swan?" Sid asked me.

All eyes at the table turned to me. I looked at my plate and sighed. "Actually he was a coke snorting sex fiend, but you know…same difference."

Everyone laughed, including Sid, and the conversation turned to a new topic. For the first time since I left with my friends, I thought of Edward. Not seeing him was killing me on the inside, no matter how many times I told myself that our educations were more important than time together--we always had the rest of our lives to spend time with one another. I wanted to see him, to just lie with him and stare at the ceiling like we used to do. I wanted to know what the paper in his back pocket had meant. I wanted to know why he didn't stop working so hard.

The hours passed as my friends and I talked about anything and everything. Our mindless banter cheered me up and eased my mind. We passed through Gig Harbor eventually, and Mt. Rainier was clearly in sight. And what a breathtaking sight it was. It was ice capped, and magnificent, a cloudy haze hanging around it's base like a dancer's flowy skirt.

I stood against the railing to peer out at it through the misty rain. Jake came and stood beside me, his fit body mirroring my stance. "You sure you're okay today, Bella? You seem rather distant--not your usual joking self."

I shrugged, at which poin the nudged me with his shoulder. "What's the matter, eh? We're all friends here, right?"

I nodded and sighed dramatically. "I never see Edward anymore. I miss him," I replied, gazing at the ring on my finger.

Jake nodded. "Yeah…same with me and Leah."

"Leah?" I asked.

"My wife," he said. "She still lives on the rez."

"Oh, that must be difficult," was all I could say.

Only then did it occur to me that Professor Black never spoke to us about _his_ life. He listened to us tell our sad, pathetic stories, even prodded for more information. But he had never once revealed anything about his life. I looked over at him as he gazed out over the water at Mt. Rainier. His russet skin was silky smooth, his jaw set, his eyes slightly narrowed as he was lost deep in thought. His cornsilk soft coal-colored hair was pulled back as usual, but a few strands fell out and into his eyes. He was beautiful in his own way, and I wondered what his wife looked like. She was clearly a Quileute as well. I wondered if she had the same skin, hair, and pride he had.

He must have felt my gaze on his face because he turned to face me and sighed, and then finally responded. "It is difficult. I miss her often. I can only escape work about once a month to visit her."

"Why doesn't she just move here with you?" I asked.

"We Quileute are a proud people. Not many of us like to journey away from the rez," he said, and I heard the sadness and homesickness in his voice.

"So why did you move?" I asked, feeling awkward to be asking him the questions.

"Leah just had my son, Quil, in September. We need the money, and unfortunately, in a town as small as Forks, there is not much need for mechanics, my only other money-worthy skill."

I nodded and he continued. "I love the American history. I'm not bitter like some that the "white man stole our land,"" he used quotations around this phrase, "because without them, our country wouldn't be the fine place it is today. Granted, our history as natives has been a long and difficult one, but really, whose story hasn't?"

I nodded and he smiled. I was beginning to respect him more and more, for his passion of the subject he taught, and for the love of his people and culture. I asked him one more question, the most important one in my opinion. "What made you lead the group, then?"

His smile fell. "My father was an alcoholic. He got into a car accident on his way back to the reservation one night. I've been on my own since I was fourteen. The others on the rez helped me with what I need, of course, but it's not the same."

I was stunned. We had more in common than I thought. The rest of the evening went like this. We took turns asking each other questions, amongst the group. We heard more of Jeremiah's captivating tale, of his life on the streets.

I didn't get back to my dorm until almost midnight. I was thankful to see that Meredith was out, probably at her boyfriend's. I took off my raincoat and shoes and sat on the edge of my bed. A knock sounded at the door and I knew instantly that it was Edward.

I ran to open it and greeted him with a tired smile. The circles under his eyes were a darker shade of purple than I had ever seen them and his face had lost all of it's color, a sickly white pallor splayed across his features now. I touched one lightly and he pulled my hand away and kissed it before entering and closing the door behind him.

He sat on the edge of my bed as I undressed, his head in his hands. "So," he practically breathed, "Where were you all day?"

"Out with the gang. We went for a ferry ride in Puget Sound."

Edward raised his eyebrows. "Oh. I tried calling you a million times. I had the day off. I was hoping we could have spent it together. Too late now, of course. You spent the day with the others."

I caught the bitterness in his voice, and it enraged me--it was totally uncalled for. "Well, I can't play guessing games as to what days you're going to have off of work. I'm going to go along as I would on any other Tuesday."

"Well, that's why you carry a phone," he said.

"I forgot it here," I replied, somewhat guiltily. "It doesn't matter. You can't pick and choose when you want to spend time with me."

"Pick and choose? I work incessantly. It's not my fault I have to earn money, Bella," he replied.

"Earn money? Your family is loaded! What in the hell could be so expensive?" I asked acidly.

"Why are you acting like this, Bella? This isn't like you," he said.

"How would you even know what I'm like anymore? You don't even see me, except on Tuesdays for the hour and a half of meeting," I replied viciously.

He narrowed his eyes. "You know what? You're right. I don't know you anymore. This new, feisty woman is a result of the group you run with."

"The group I run with? That group means everything in the world to me! They're actually there for me!"

He looked as though I had hit him, and at first I felt a pang of guilt, but I quickly swallowed it. "That is not even a fair thing to say, Bella. I've been there for you from the start."

"Well you sure as hell aren't anymore."

He looked at me sadly. He and I had never had a fight so bad. I was feeling irritated and irate, and I needed to take it out on someone. He just happened to be the one who, not only caused all of this pent up anger and feelings of abandonment, but also the one who would witness me explode. I slipped my ring off and handed it to him. "Maybe we shouldn't get married."

He held out his hand and I dropped the ring into it. He looked as though he were dying on the inside. "You're leaving me? For them? What about all we've been through?"

"Edward, you know I love you--"

"Then why are you doing this?"

"--But I feel as though we need to take a break. I can't stand the fact that you and I never see one another. That we're becoming virtual strangers. I feel like I'm an afterthought in your busy schedule."

"You are not an afterthought. You are my first thought when I awaken, my last thought before bed, and every thought in between," he said, pleading with his eyes.

I opened my dorm door and hung my head. "I think you should leave."

He stood, rooted to the ground, for a moment and finally got the hint that I was not going to say anything more. He walked slowly out of the door, brushing his hand across my forearm as he did. I jerked my arm away from his touch as I began to cry.

I felt terrible, but it was for the good of both of us.

O.O.O.O

All right, you can flame now. Call me what you wish.

But please, HAVE FAITH IN ME.


	9. Chapter 8: Recognition

A/N: Yeah…the usual.

Chapter 8: Recognition

My explosion was completely irrational. I realize this now, at 4:30 am. I should have talked to him. Begged him to quit his job, or take on less hours. Something. But, no. I blew up in his face. I broke off my relationship with him. Like an idiot. Why? Because I can't stand the fact that he and I aren't how we used to be. We are no longer best friends, lovers. We aren't close anymore, and we've drifted apart.

All of his spare time is spent studying, a task he has taken up on his own. He doesn't even invite me along anymore.

And he's hiding something from me. I can't help but let my mind wander back to the slip of paper I found in his jeans. Why would he need blood work drawn? Why was he hiding the fact that he was having problems from me? What kind of man does that to the woman he loves? Someone who loves another is open, honest, and genuine with said person. But not him. He was being sneaky, deceitful, and quiet.

These are the arguments, the weak weak arguments, I used to convince myself that I was in the right and he was wrong. Of course the arguments sounded rational to me when I was yelling at him, but now, after hours of crying until my throat turned raw, I see that I was wrong.

I slipped out of bed and threw on some jeans. I grabbed my slippers and threw my hair back, grabbing my keys from the dresser. I ran to my car and drove, much too fast, to Edward's dorm hall. I got to his door, and knocked loudly and firmly against the door. I listened carefully as his roommate, Jonathan, cussed loudly and came to the door.

He wrenched open the door and looked surprised to see me standing there. "Bella? What are you doing here?"

"I need to see Edward, now," I said, trying to peer around his shoulder into the room.

"He's gone."

I looked at Jonathan. "He's…gone?"

"Yeah. He went back home. Left about four hours ago, in a real rush. I don't know what you did to him, but he looked pretty messed up," Jonathan said, his voice accusing.

I ran away from Jonathan, who looked shocked to see me leaving without any explanation as to why I just interrupted his sleep at 5 am to look for my ex-fiancee, who already ran away. I got outside the building and to my car. It was still raining torrentially and I was already soaked through. I fumbled with my keys and dropped them to the ground, into a puddle the size of Denver.

In my frustration, I slumped to my knees and leaned against the door, crying irrationally. I was such an imbecile. Why would I do that? How could I do that? Edward was the only thing worth living for, since I was twelve. He had always been there for me, when I needed him.

But why? Why did he have to sneak around? Why didn't he ever tell me he was in need of blood work? Better yet, why didn't he tell me what he thought was wrong? Why did he push himself to work harder and harder? His parents had so much money, he couldn't possibly be in need of any for himself? Was he bored with me and only went to work so vigorously to avoid me?

I was driving myself insane as I sat there, in the flooding rains, asking myself what had happened in the last few months to Edward and I. I finally found the energy to pull myself up and I got onto my hands and knees to feel in the puddle for my car keys. I found them and opened the door in a hurry.

After drying the key off on my dry seat, I started the engine and peeled out, my car hydroplaning for a brief moment. I didn't really know the way to Forks from Seattle--Edward had always driven. After driving for an hour and a half, I ended up in a place completely and utterly unfamiliar.

I pulled into a gas station and ran inside. The man behind the counter looked startled to see me. "Ma'am? Are you all right? You look like a mess. Has something happened?"

"Map?" was all I said as my teeth chattered violently in the chilly gas station air.

The man narrowed his eyes suspiciously and pointed to a stand to my left. There was a variety of maps and I found the one for the Olympic Peninsula. I ripped it open and dripped rain water from my skin all over it as I looked for a tiny town called Forks. I grabbed the pencil from the Lotto display and marked the route and then turned for the door. "Hey, you'll have to pay for that!" the man called to my back.

I turned on heel and threw a twenty at him, telling him to keep the change. I was acting completely insane and scaring everyone I came in contact with. I felt as though I wanted to rip my own hair from my skull and scream in utter frustration. I got back into my car and looked at myself in the rearview mirror in the light from the storefront.

I looked as though I had just gotten in a fight and lost. I had dark circles under my red and puffy eyes. My nose was swollen and running, my lips were a pale pink, and my teeth were chattering so harshly, they felt like they'd knock each other out. I was soaked to the bone, and my seat was squishing water out every time I moved.

I pulled out and followed my marked route. It took me almost four hours to get home. The sun was in the sky, the rain had stopped pouring, and was barely a drizzle now. When I sped into my hometown, I felt my heart beating erratically.

What was I going to say to Edward? In the four hours I had driven since the gas station episode, I had come up with nothing to say. At all. All I could do was beg him to take me back and forgive my momentary lapse of sanity.

I pulled into my own deserted driveway and looked at the Cullen house. It looked quiet and I knew they were all asleep, after such a rough night. They were probably all surprised to see Edward home and he had probably told him all about our fight. And I probably looked like a horrible person. There was no way I could face any of them.

I walked around the side of his house and looked up at his window. The rose trellis actually had roses climbing up it, for the first time in our lives. I looked at his window and I could see that it was not open, but the blinds had been raised. He was pacing beyond it's glass, as he always did when he was troubled. I felt a sharp pang in my heart. I had caused this trouble.

I had to set things right. I ran to the trellis and began to climb. I tried to be careful and not cut myself on rose thorns, unsuccessfully. By the time I got to the top, my arms were scratched up and dripping blood in many places. Edward's pacing had stopped at some point, because he was now seated at his piano. I watched him for a moment, his back to me. His fluid movements calmed my nerves a bit and I raised the glass on his window.

He spun around and stood up, knocking his bench over. "Bella? What in the hell are you doing?"

He ran to the window and raised it higher before grabbing my arm and pulling me in. He took in the sight of my pitiful form and bloodied arms. "Why are you here?" he asked harshly. "I thought you didn't want me anymore."

I threw my arms around him, and he promptly pushed me away. "Stop it, Bella."

"Edward, I am so sorry. I am such an idiot. I love you, please. Please forgive me."

He sat on the edge of his bed and I knelt in front of him. "I don't understand you, Bella."

"Neither do I," I laughed through tears I didn't even know I was shedding. "I was being irrational--"

"You think?" he asked, glaring at me.

"--But I just felt like…you didn't want me anymore. You never even see me anymore."

"That's because I'm always working, you know that!"

"But why? Your parents have more than enough money," I said.

He looked at me incredulously. "Because maybe I don't want to be dependent on my parents for everything."

Damn. I hadn't even thought about that. "But, why work so much? You're running yourself ragged. Look at you. The circles under your eyes are getting darker and darker."

Edward shrugged. "I need the money, Bella. I don't want to put this burden on my parents."

It was my turn to be confused. "Burden?"

Edward looked away and shook his head. "I can't tell you…I…"

"Tell me what?"

He looked at me and was quiet for a long moment. "How could you give the ring back, Bella? Say the things you said?"

I looked past him, ashamed. "I don't know. I wasn't thinking properly. It just upset me that you thought I was replacing you with the Group. I'm not replacing you, I'm trying to make my way without you. I can't be alone while you're at work constantly."

He nodded and smiled. "I understand. I never expected you to be alone."

I looked at him, and he looked a bit happier. "Are we still getting married?" I asked.

His face brightened. "Do you still want to, then?" he asked.

"Of course I do. You'll have to forgive my insanity last night. You are the only thing that matters to me. The only reason I am still living. You've always been there when I needed you. And your current absence sent me into a rage. Instead of talking to you about it, I ran away from the problem. As usual. I was being selfish. Please, please, forgive me."

Edward smiled and kissed my forehead. "You nearly killed me you silly girl."

He leaned over and reached into his night table. He pulled out my ring and slipped it back onto my forehead. "If you ever do that again, I'm afraid I won't be so forgiving," he warned.

"Are you kidding? I would never do that again. The last ten hours of my life without you have been absolute hell."

He laughed lightly and kissed me. I pulled away and looked at him. He looked confused and I sighed. "Edward. I need you to tell me the truth now."

"Truth about what?" he asked warily.

"Edward, I found a slip of paper in your pocket when I was cleaning up your room. Why did you need to get blood work from Oppenheim?"

Edward's mood was instantly downtrodden and he sighed. "Bella, I can't tell you. It would hurt you too bad."

"What? What is it?" I asked, worried beyond all belief.

"It's just something I need to take care of by myself," he replied, remaining distant.

"By…yourself? But…we're together. Always have been together. I…As your fiancee, best friend of a lifetime, and lover, I think I deserve to know what is going on."

Edward seemed to think about what I said and he bit his lip. It began to quiver, slightly, but he remained strong and didn't cry as he said, "I have acute myelogenous leukemia, Bella."

O.O.O.O.O

All right. A very dramatic chapter. But…what the hell chapter in this story hasn't been?

So…reviews would be lovely.

And p.s. I would never pair Bella with Jake. That's like…blasphemy. Ew. So, stop worrying about that.


	10. Chapter 9: Cancer of the Blood

A/N: I know you guys all hate me now. It's cool, though. 83 reviews last chapter. Damn good.

Chapter 9: Cancer of the Blood

"You…You have what?" I asked weakly.

"Acute myelogenous leukemia. It's cancer of the blood in my bone marrow," Edward replied, sounding sad and worn.

I looked at him, and suddenly his appearance made more sense. The circles under his eyes, his fatigue, his weakness of late. I got off of my knees and threw myself into his lap. He groaned slightly but wrapped his arms around me. I had thought my crying for the day was over, but a fresh wave of tears racked my already exhausted body.

Leukemia? But…why? How? How could this angel, this absolute angel of perfection have cancer? Have anything wrong? "How could this happen to you? You're perfect!"

He rolled his eyes. "No one's perfect, Bella."

"But you are. I don't understand," I said, biting my lip.

"My great-grandfather died of leukemia before I was born. Most people who get it are over 65, but, obviously, it is possible for young people to get it."

I shook my head. "This…this shouldn't be happening. You've not lived a long enough life to get sick this early. You've still got a lot of experiences to experience…" I was babbling now.

"I know, Bella. But, everything happens for a reason. This is as well. My chemotherapy begins the first of May."

"First of May? Isn't that far away?" I asked.

"It's the soonest they can take me. It has to be acceptable, I've no other choice."

May first was a month and a half away. The time between now and then seemed like an eternity. The possibilities of what could happen to Edward in that time began to swarm in my head, causing me to get dizzy. Tears were flowing uncontrollably down my cheeks and Edward held my face between his hands as he brushed the rivulets from my face, streams glistening down his own cheeks. "Please don't cry, Bella. Everything will be all right."

I couldn't help the sobs that overtook me, and Edward sighed and enveloped me in his arms. I buried my face into the crook of his neck as he rubbed my hair and hummed my lullaby. I could feel his warm tears on my bare shoulder, and it made me cry harder. I kissed his neck absently, trying to make sense of everything. One question nagged at me more than all other though: "Edward…you say everything is going to be all right. What exactly is your chance of recovery?"

He was silent for a moment. "Twenty to thirty percent for a full recovery without a relapse."

"Twenty to thirty?" I choked. That was not a very good chance at all. At least not to me. "Edward…"

He hugged me tighter. "I'll make it, Bella. I'm a strong person. I made it without you for a whole day. Nothing can be worse than that."

"What…what did the others say?" I asked, unable to look at his pallid face.

He remained quiet and I looked at him finally. "Edward? What did the others say?"

He averted his eyes and said, "I…haven't told them yet."

"Haven't told them? What? Are you _insane_?" I asked, feeling angry.

He placed a finger over my lips. We were in the Cullen house after all, and his parents marching in was really the last thing he wanted. "Please don't be angry."

"Why didn't you tell them?" I asked, ignoring him.

"I didn't want them to worry about me," he replied. "Not until I was absolutely sure, and I had treatment planned."

I stared at him, the dark lavender shadows under his bright green eyes. I noticed that his eyes no longer held the same sparkle they once had, and I shoved my face into his shirt. He kissed my head. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard, Edward," I chided.

"I know. I just didn't want them to worry if it wasn't anything to worry about."

"But it is, Edward. It _is_. When are you going to tell them?" I asked.

"While I'm home," was his only reply.

"You're not seriously going to go back to school are you?" I asked, afraid he really was insane.

"Of course I am. I'm going until the chemo makes me too sick to move," he said in a traditional Edwardian way.

"No. You can't. You need to rest," I told him, feeling overly protective all of a sudden, like a mother bird who just witnessed her baby fall from a tree and is now trying to nurse it back to health.

"We'll talk about that later," he replied stubbornly.

"Why on earth have you been working yourself so hard lately? You're wearing yourself down!" I yelled in a hushed whisper.

"Chemo isn't cheap, Bella."

I stared at him for a long moment. "But…your parents have plenty of money. They could help you."

He shook his head. "This is something I need to take care of. It's not my parents responsibility."

I shoved him back and regretted it when his breath caught. "Edward, you listen. Your parents love you. Of course it's their responsibility to take care of you when you need it."

"I've already cost them so much. I need to do this myself."

"That's your problem, you know."

"What?" he asked, confused.

"You think no one's there for you. That you have to do this all by yourself."

He knew I was referring to his not telling me sooner. A guilty look crossed his face and he furrowed his brow. "I didn't want to hurt you."

"And by not telling me, that just made me hurt so much less, Edward," I said.

"I was trying to save you from hurting."

"Oh, please. You think this stupid martyr act is self-less. 'I'll sacrifice everything to save her from hurting.' But really, you are being selfish!"

Edward looked at me from underneath his long lashes, which glistened with glittery tears. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to keep you happy. I didn't want to hurt you with this…monstrosity of a disease."

"It's too late. But…I'm here for you. I always have been, and I always will be. No matter what," I exclaimed, my tone softening considerably.

I wrapped my arms around him again and he hugged me as tightly as he could, which was still pretty tight for a sickly person. "You should lay down."

He shook his head. "No. I'm not tired right now."

Even as he said I could hear the exhaustion in his voice. "Yeah…right. Just lay back."

He did as he was told, pulling my with him. I settled in to his side and he pulled his blanket over the two of us. I traced the bluish veins in the crook of his elbow. "I want to get married."

"And we will," he replied, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

"I meant sooner. Like…as soon as you're willing."

He pulled away slightly and I leaned up to see him frowning. "Don't do that, Bella."

"Do what?"

"Try to rush things. Make early goodbyes," his voice cracked.

"I'm not rushing anything. We don't know how long we have anymore. And you know it," I said, sadness overwhelming me.

He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around me. "I know," came his whispered reply.

"I want to get married."

He reopened his eyes and tears streamed down his cheeks and fell on his pillow at the side if his head. "All right."

"We'll go to the Justice of the Peace. Tomorrow," I said.

"But what about your ideal wedding. The one with your family? And mine?" he asked.

"I don't need any of it. I just need you. We can remarry later…when you…when you get better."

He nodded and looked at the ring on my finger. "I don't have a wedding band for you yet."

"That's okay. You won't have a ring yet, either. It's irrelevant. We'll have each other."

There was a noise at the back of his throat and he began weeping. His eyes were scrunched up and his face contorted into a look of agony. I was startled and began wiping furiously at his cheeks. "What's the matter?"

"It wasn't supposed to be like this. We were supposed to finish school, get good careers, have children."

"We can still do that," I replied.

"Twenty to thirty percent chance of full recovery," he said, snorting at the statement.

There was nothing I could say to that and I buried my face into his arm and he held onto me strongly. Then something clicked. "Alice knows, though, doesn't she?"

I remembered the conversation we had had about Edward dropping mythology to spend more time with me. She had known then. At Christmas. He nodded. "She guessed. Intuitive little pixie she is."

"She didn't tell me," I whispered accusatorily.

"It wasn't her business to tell," he replied.

I had no desire to fight anymore, with Edward looking so vulnerable. It made me feel like a sadist to keep torturing him with this petty argument about him keeping this from me. "I love you, Edward."

He readjusted his head against the pillow. "I know, love. I love you, too. With all my heart and soul."

He ran a hand over my upper arm, and his hand was ice cold, sending a shiver up my spine. "You're beautiful," I said, tracing his face with my fingertips as I had done so many times before.

He laughed lightly. "Right. I'm a mess. I look like I crawled out of a coffin."

"No…you look like an angel. A fallen angel."

He smiled widely and touched his hand to my face. "You are sinfully gorgeous, and yet, you sit here and go on about how good looking I am. You ignore the fact that you're God's most beautiful creature."

I kissed him lightly, a slight kiss, filled with more passion that I had ever been able to muster before.


	11. Chapter 10: Together

-1A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in ages. Shit happens. Thanks for all of your wonderful reviews and PM's, as well as all of your adds. Make me feel damn good. Ps--the vows aren't mine. Don't sue me.

Chapter 10: Together

Esme was crying and Carlisle looked as though he were about to blow a gasket. "A month and a half?! Don't they realize what could happen in a month and a half? Are doctors in Seattle idiots?"

Edward sighed while looking down at his hands. He pinched the bridge of his nose and shrugged. "So what are we going to do about it?"

"You're going to Forks Hospital. Right away. I'll make the call."

"Edward," Esme's voice cracked and she was sobbing, "Why didn't you tell us sooner?"

"I didn't want to worry everyone until I was sure."

Esme looked like she might slap him, if he had not just relayed the news of his impending death to her. "Are you insane? We are your family. Your health and safety mean everything in the world to us. Why…Edward…Ugh…" Esme couldn't even speak, she was shaking so badly from a combination of grief and anger.

Everyone else just stared at Edward. Alice was crying into Jasper's shoulder and Rosalie looked like she might throw up, while Emmett ran a hand over her back, his own face pale. "How are you going to pay for it?" Edward asked.

Carlisle, whose head had been in his hands, looked up at Edward incredulously. "Edward Cullen, I would pay any amount of money to get you well. You should know that. We have plenty saved up."

I looked at Edward and said, "See! You've been working yourself for nothing."

"Edward, you work at a restaurant. You didn't honestly think you'd be able to pay for chemo on a waiter's salary, did you?" Carlisle asked.

Edward was looking at the carpet as he shook his head. I looked at him. "But yesterday you said, "Chemo is expensive."

'Bella," Edward warned. "I wasn't saving up for chemo."

"Then what were you saving up for, Edward?" I asked, crying uncontrollably, but still immensely confused.

"Twenty to thirty percent recovery, Bella," he whispered, wiping his own eyes.

I stared at him for a moment, letting his words sink into my brain. When they finally did, I realized he was talking about his funeral. He was saving up to pay for his own funeral. My mouth was agape as I stared at him, horrified at the thought. "Edward…no."

"I've already got most of it planned. I have a detailed list of everything that needs to be done," he said, nodding matter-of-factly.

Esme, who was barely able to contain her grief, sat next to Edward and wrapped her arm around him. He turned into her hug and they cried together. Esme kept whispering things like, "It'll be all right. Your father will make sure you get in sooner."

Edward just kept silent, while the rest of us watched, wrapped in our own grief. Carlisle got up, wiping his eyes and sniffling. "I'll go make a few calls."

No one knew what to do or say anymore, so we just sat and watched Edward and Esme, locked in an embrace, swaying slightly. Finally, after what seemed like ages, they broke apart. "Mom?"

"Yes, love?" Esme asked, looking into his face and pushing his hair from his forehead.

"Bella and I are going to the Justice of the Peace today."

Esme smiled a small, wan smile and nodded. She looked over Edward's shoulder and smiled at me. "Go get ready. We'll all go."

So we all went upstairs and dressed for mine and Edward's makeshift wedding. Alice somberly dressed me in a white halter summer dress and wedged flip flops. My make up was light and practically nonexistent. Alice was in no mood to glitz me up, and I was in no mood to be poked and prodded. She ran some moose through my hair and gave it some body. She dressed herself silently, in a simple dress and flops. No make up, hair the usual messy spikes.

We walked down the stairs together, and I wasn't even worried about falling, I was in such a fog. I was about to get married, to the man of my dreams, and I didn't know how long I would have with him after this. What a bittersweet thing, love is.

Edward was waiting with the rest of his family, all dressed simply. He had on a simply button down shirt and blood red tie, no coat. "You look stunning," he complimented with a genuine smile.

"Thank you," I whispered.

We all piled into the cars and went to the court house, where we waited for an hour before we were brought into a small room. A man stood idly at the end of the middle aisle. He gave us a wide grin. "Are you the lucky couple?" he asked, unaware of our situation.

I put on my best smile and nodded, grabbing Edward's hand. The Justice gave us a look. "You should be happier. You're about to be joined in holy matrimony."

Edward looked at me and grinned, for what seemed to be the first time in ages. "He's right, you know."

I smiled back. "We'll make the best of it."

Edward nodded. "You ready, Swan?"

"I have been ready my whole life, Cullen," I joked.

Edward smiled, and I saw a small glint in his saddened eyes.

The Justice cleared his throat. "Friends and family, we have come here today to celebrate love. We see it in the faces of Edward and Isabella, who stand before us, but we experience it in our own hearts as well. This love is powerful enough to untie the strong entangled knot of life. It is a love which is spoken of in all religions, which kindles our souls with hope and which is our true home, our true meeting place. As the years go by, you will find more and more in one another a loveliness which neither comes nor goes, which neither flowers nor fades, no longer even taking the form of face or hand or words or knowing. Everything in your marriage can partake of this mysterious beauty beyond beauty, until wherever you turn you see reflections of this loveliness. We ask that the vision you have of one another be always informed by that radiant power which first brought you together. Love is stronger than your conflicts, bigger than life's changes, the miracle always inviting you to learn, to blossom, to expand. It is to love that you must always return."

He looked to us both and took each of our left hands. He clasped our hands together and continued. "Please repeat after me, Isabella. 'I, Isabella Marie Swan, take you, Edward Anthony Cullen, as my husband to laugh with you in joy, to grieve with you in sorrow, to grow with you in love.'"

I repeated robotically, my voice cracking and a single tear sliding down as I spoke of grief. I vaguely heard Edward repeat the same vow back to me, before the Justice said, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I now present Mr. and Mrs. Cullen. Congratulations, you may kiss one another."

I placed my hands on either side of Edward's face and kissed him sweetly, tenderly. He pulled away, and we heard his family clapping. Esme was wiping her nose on a handkerchief and Carlisle smiled. He pulled me into a hug. "Welcome to the family, Bella."

Esme hugged me next, "Yes, welcome into our home, dear."

Alice hugged me and smiled. "Wow, finally, after all this time of you being like my sister, I can actually call you a sister."

Emmett pulled me into a crushing bear hug. "Finally a Cullen, eh? Let's hope you can survive our family."

I laughed and Rosalie and Jasper gave us their congratulations. "How about we grab a bite?" Edward asked.

We all looked at him. "Do you feel well enough, dear? We don't want to over work you."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Let's go get some food."

He didn't eat anything, but then again, none of us really did. We all pushed our food around on our plates while making small talk. Everyone was thinking of Edward, and he knew it. "Please, everyone, can we just act normal for now? For my sake?"

We all stared for a moment before Emmett broke the silence. "So…Rosalie, have you figured out what's wrong with the Jeep's alternator?"

I laughed lightly, and pretty soon, we were all laughing. Even in our time of grief, we were able to laugh. For Edward's sake.

O.O.O.O

All right, kinda short, but, eh.


	12. Chapter 11: Treatment

-1A/N: Thanks for everything y'all. As usual, you guys rock. Especially akaMrsEdwardCullen. She helped a lot, with the stuff my research didn't cover.

Chapter 11: Treatment

In the last month, Edward had been through absolute hell. Carlisle had gotten him into chemo three days after he found out about his leukemia, and Edward was ready for a brief radiation before his bone marrow transplant. The chemotherapy had done a number on Edward: his hair hadn't completely fallen out, but large chunks were missing, and falling out more and more rapidly. His face was sullen and sallow, yellowish-gray and frail looking. He complained when anyone touched him, because pressure caused him a great deal of pain. In fact, his whole body ached to the point where he wouldn't even let me lay a hand on him.

The doctor had started him on steroids, to help ease the pain, but they never fully helped anything. He was weak, and fatigue was getting the better of him. He threw up often after a particularly strong dose of chemo, no matter if he had the anti-sickness injections or not. I cried every time I came to see him, when I thought he might be sleeping. I had forced myself to stop crying whenever he was awake, for fear of hurting him emotionally. I didn't want him to feel worse. He was already incredibly irritable whenever he was awake, often yelling at me or the nurses for no reason at all, except that the pain and anguish, combined with the steroids, made him lash out.

The doctors said that the chemo had killed his bone marrow, and that it would be replaced during the operation. He would receive bone marrow, from a complete stranger hundreds of miles away. I wished silently that it could have been my bone marrow, that I could have been the one to help him through his dark and difficult times. But it wasn't me, it was donor 40713. And all I could do was come and sit by his side.

Without his bone marrow, he was too susceptible to internal infections and illnesses, so we were all sterilized and forced to wear face masks and take extra precautions to ensure his safety. His frail frame lay helplessly on the hospital bed, the sterile smell of his room making me ill as I stared at him. He was sleeping today, the first time in a few days he was asleep when I arrived.

I sat in the chair next to his bed and lifted his hand gently. I stared at it, noticed the dark lines that had appeared across his fast growing fingernails since he had began therapy. His eyes fluttered open and he smiled slightly. "Hey," I whispered and lightly brushed my lips across his. "How are you feeling today?"

He frowned now. "Like I just got hit by a bus."

"I'm sorry, hon," I said. I reached over and retrieved a tray of food the nurse had left for him. "Nurse Sandy left this for you."

"I'm not hungry," he replied.

"You sure? Looks like apple crisp and--"

"Goddamn it, Bella. I said I'm not hungry. My mouth hurts," he said, his irritably rearing its ugly head.

"I'm sorry," I whispered again, feeling tears burning behind my closed eyelids.

"Oh, please don't cry, Bella," he said, "I didn't mean to snap at you."

"I know," I kissed his hand lightly, "I know."

The next few weeks went on like this, as Edward began radiation therapy. A new slew of side effects took place, however. He was receiving his treatment to the neck, and the problems he was now experiencing was causing him to become frustrated and hateful. He had a terrible earache and I knew that when I talked to him, he wasn't even listening. He flinched every few minutes and touched his ear and the dry skin around his treatment site.

Eating was not something Edward even really did anymore. "Bella, I can't swallow any of it, it hurts too bad. And I can't have anything good anyway--no sugary foods, no spicy foods, no dry, crispy foods. I can eat mashed potatoes and pudding," he said bitterly, his eyes clasped together.

Edward reached over and took a sip from his cup of cool water. "I hate this," he said, glaring at me.

"What?" I asked, confused,

"I have to pee," he said angrily.

"Do you need help getting up?" I asked, knowing full well he did,

He nodded and shoved the blanket weakly away from him. I gently put his feet over the side of the bed and he stood carefully, wobbling. I put his arm around my shoulders and he cringed. "Ow," he moaned.

"I'm sorry. Slowly now," I told him.

We walked, inch by inch to the bathroom. I hated that all of this treatment was taking such a toll on him. What happened to all of those stories of people who were able to still function, not even in a hospital during cancer treatment? Edward wouldn't survive one minute at home right now.

Edward did his business and I stood behind him, still supporting him, but not watching. I stared at his butt in his open gown instead. The boxer briefs I loved so much stretched across his bottom. But they were looser now, he having lost a considerable amount of weight since treatment started. "All right, bring me to the sink, please," he said.

We walked to the sink and he washed his hands, and he said, "I want to brush my teeth."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea," I said.

"Nonsense. The dentist came by today. He and my oncologist said I could brush my teeth with this," he held up an ultra soft toothbrush that looked as though it wouldn't remove any plaque whatsoever. "And this non-abrasive toothpaste that tastes like minty shit."

Oh, yeah. He was cranky today. "All right. Just be careful. Don't cut yourself."

He nodded, sighing slightly, weakly. If he cut himself, or even bruised himself, his blood would not clot. He didn't have enough white blood cells for it. He brushed his teeth carefully and rinsed with a doctor recommended mouthwash. "All right, take me back to bed," he said.

I did so, asking, "Not going to floss, then?"

"Not today. I'm too tired from all that walking."

We had walked a total of ten feet, maybe fifteen. I sat him gently on the bed and helped him put his legs down. He cringed and winced at every movement. His throat and jaw were tense and he was having trouble swallowing as he took another drink. "I am utterly…useless here," he said.

"Edward, no one expects you to move a muscle. You are sick and getting help, for Christ's sake."

"Ugh, I can't wait for this all to be over. Jesus."

"So…everyone said they'll be here around noon," I mentioned.

"Why? They don't need to come and see me laying here. I've told them a million times," he replied shortly.

"Edward, they are your family, and if you think that they are going to stay away and leave you alone, you're sadly mistaken. They love you and want to support you."

"I just want them to leave me alone today, though. Just one day. I'm too tired and I want to take a nap."

I stared at him in disapproval. "All right, I'll call your mother. But you're going to explain it to her when she sees you, why it is you want to block everyone out of your life."

"Because they are overwhelming and annoying when I want to sleep. Tell her I said that, in those exact words."

I really was not liking his attitude today. But I felt a surge of sympathy for him. He was my love after all. And he was uncomfortable, in pain, and feeling inadequate. So, I let him vent and piss and moan all he needed, let it all out. "Esme," I said, when she answered, "Edward said he wants you all to stay home today."

"Why?" she asked shortly, sounding taken aback.

"Well…he wants to take a nap."

"And you all are overwhelming and annoying when I want to sleep," he shouted hoarsely into the phone.

"Oh," was all Esme said. "All right then. We'll see him first thing tomorrow, then. And he can't talk his way out of that visit. We're not going to keep away everyday."

I shut my cell an laughed. "I can't believe you just said that."

He shrugged, smiling slightly. "She would have argued with you."

I nodded, knowing Esme to well to know she wouldn't have let me just get by with telling her Edward wanted a nap. "Now we have a full day to ourselves," he said, placing his hand over mine."

"How would you like to spend it?" I asked.

"I dunno. I'm confined to a bed, for the most part. We could just watch some television."

I shook my head. "Play guitar for me."

Edward sighed and said, "Go get it."

I went to the corner of his small hospital room, where his guitar case was kept. Dr. Oppenheim fluttered in and checked all of the machines Edward was hooked up to. "How are you feeling today, Ed?"

"Like complete and utter shit."

"That's pretty normal. Have you had a chance to brush your teeth yet?"

Edward nodded and Dr. Oppenheim smiled and checked Edward over briefly. "All right. A nurse will be in shortly to check up on you. And you," he looked pointedly at me, "make sure he rests and eats something."

"I'm not eating anything," Edward told him.

"Of course not," the doctor said and then looked at me and mouthed, "Pudding."

I nodded and brought Edward's guitar to him. He lifted it carefully. "Is it too heavy for you?" I asked.

"No, but I need you to prop it up with a pillow."

I did as he asked and he smiled. "Come on in this bed and lay by me."

I sat on the edge of the bed and leaned back. "Careful," he warned.

I made sure I wasn't really touching him, for fear of hurting or bruising him. He strummed the guitar lightly, his hands not working as quickly and efficiently as usual. I realized he was playing my lullaby and closed my eyes. "I still love that. To this day."

"Me too," he nodded.

After a few minutes, the strumming faltered off and I opened my eyes. Edward had fallen asleep. I sighed and took the guitar from him, setting it in the chair. I leaned back once more and he put his head on my shoulder. "I love you," he whispered sleepily.

I said it back and we both fell into a foggy sleep. He groaned and moved every once in a while, his muscles and bones aching. I looked down at his head, at the patches of missing hair, hair I loved so dearly. That had been the first time Edward had ever felt self conscious about his appearance. Emmett had suggested he shave it all off, but Edward vainly held on to it, in an effort to have some piece of his old body. His efforts were futile, and he regretted that decision now. He was too afraid to get nicked and bleed unclotting blood that he wouldn't let anyone near his head to shave it.

I awoke to Edward vomiting over the side of his bed into a bedpan. The nurse was watching him, a look of calm across her face. She looked at me and made a shooing motion for me to get off the bed. I did so, giving Edward his space, and placed a hand on his back gingerly. I rubbed small circles as he heaved and cringed at the noise.

He laid back in his bed and sneered. "Great. Now I have to brush my teeth again."

O.O.O.O

I know these chapters are incredibly short, but I don't really feel like they need more. The next will be his transplant and what goes along with that.

Reviews would be lovely.


	13. Chapter 12: Transplant

A/N: I hope this'll be the last really depressing chapter. Why is everyone so worried that I am going to KILL Edward? You know…I kinda want to kill him now. Just for fun. Kinda.

Chapter 12: Transplant

"Ugh, it hurts," Edward moaned as the doctor messed with the central venous catheter attached to a vein in Edward's chest.

"I know, Ed, I know. Please, try and hold still," the old man said.

Edward's transplant was beginning, and his body winced and shuddered as the doctor poked, prodded, and inserted things into the catheter. I stood, backed into the corner, horrified at seeing Edward writhe so helplessly. "Now, Edward, since this an allogeneic transplant, we administered medications to you that will help your body fight off its natural resistance to another human's blood."

"Uh huh," was all Edward said. "And when do I get my first blood transfusion?"

"In a few days. We're going to monitor your blood count and check up on you, everyday. When I see it necessary, your first blood transfusion will come."

Edward put his head back on his pillow and shooed the doctor and nurses away. "Fine. I'm tired. Please, let me rest now."

After the officials left, Edward glanced at me, hudled in a corner. He held out his arm and motioned for me to come closer. A teary smile spread over my face and I walked to his bedside. "Oh, Edward. I hate seeing you like this," I said, fingering the cord hooked into an IV.

"I know. It won't be much longer. The doctor said I could be ready to go home in six weeks."

Six weeks. A month and a half more of this. I sighed. "The CWA&D Group wants to come by and see you. They all feel bad for not visiting last week."

Edward smiled. "All right. Tell 'em to come by tomorrow. I could use some more company that is not my neurotic mother or sister and brother."

I laughed and Esme walked through the door, a face mask on and freshly sterilized enough to come in. "Alice and Emmett are getting you something to eat in the cafeteria. Oh, dear, its good to see you awake today."

Edward gave me a sly smile--he had pretended to sleep for the past few times his family had come to see him. He hugged her and I mentioned that I was going to leave and would be back with Alice and Emmett. Edward gave me a look as his mother began chatting tearfully, and rubbed her shaking shoulders soothingly. "It's all right, mom. I feel fine today," I heard him lie.

I went to the large hospital's gift store in my drifting through the empty halls. I had been in here a million times in the time Edward had been in the hospital, and the cashiers knew me by name. I went to the rack of penny candies and grabbed a handful. I noticed they had a new rack of hats in, and sauntered over to them. The top one, dark purple and gray, was advertising the Relay for Life. I picked one up and went to the counter.

Alice and Emmett were paying for their food when I entered the cafeteria. "Anything good?" I asked, peeking over Alice's shoulder.

"Same as every other day--chicken strips and fries."

"And for Edward?" I asked.

"Banana crème pie. The nilla wafers should be soggy enough for him to chew."

"He'll love that," I replied and together we went to level 6, the cancer ward.

"Edward, we brought you some banana crème pie. And we expect you to eat it," Alice said, placing it on his bedside before leaning down for a careful hug.

He rolled his eyes and nodded. What's in the bag?" he asked me.

I smiled and sat on the edge of his bed. I pulled the hat out and showed him the Relay for Life logo. He smiled widely. "You wanna put it on?" I asked.

He nodded and I pulled the tag off. Edward's hair was almost completely gone now, only a few stubborn patches hanging on, wispy and blowing in the air. I smoothed them over and tucked them underneath the hat. He grinned. "So, how do I look?"

"Like a survivor," Emmett said, his voice cracking, a grin on his face.

Edward's eyes welled then and he nodded. "I'm kind of feeling like one, you know."

"Good. Just keep pushing through this, baby," Esme said.

"I'm trying, mom. It's hard."

"I know. Just try as hard as you can. That's all we ask."

"I want to go to sleep now," he said, looking up at his IV bag. "And maybe when I wake up, it'll all be done."

Everyone said their goodbyes and kissed him. When they left, they simply went downstairs to the waiting room, not wanting to leave just yet. I didn't tell Edward this. "The hat looks good on you, Cullen. Very smashing."

He smiled and adjusted it proudly. "Thanks, I was starting to hate looking at my bald head everyday."

"I'll go and buy more hats then," I said, laughing lightly.

"Good girl. So…have you thought about going back to school?"

I gave him a stern look. "I'm not going back until you're better. And until you come too."

"That could be up to a year."

"I don't care. I'll get a job around home. Your parents already said we can move into your old room."

"Or we can move into your old house. No one lives there."

I thought about that for a moment. He was right, of course, No one lived in my father's house. It was fully paid off already, and we would be less than a hundred yards away from his parents, in case we needed help with anything. "Okay. But just until you're fully better. I don't want to be stuck in that house forever."

"Of course not," he grinned and then grew serious once more. "You know, I wasn't only saving up for my funeral, Bella."

I looked at him, worry and confusion in my eyes. He grabbed my hand. "I have money saved up for you as well, in case something should happen. It's not much, but it's enough to make a down payment on a house. Well--one in Forks anyway," he laughed.

"You worked yourself too hard. For too long. How much did you save up?"

"Never you mind."

I glared at him and he laughed lightly, wheezing. "Hey now, are you going to get mad at the cripple?"

"You are not a cripple," I said seriously.

"Like hell I'm not. I can't even get up for more than a few minutes."

"You are Edward Cullen. And you can overcome anything. Even this."

He laid his head back and sighed. "I hope you're right."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," I said, frightened at the thought of what Edward was implying.

He swallowed painfully and outstretched his arm for me to come and lay next to him. "Watch the IV cord," he said, wrapping an arm around me.

The next morning, the CWA&D group came: Sid, Katie, Nick, and Jeremiah. They came, smiling widely and teasing Edward the whole time. I loved watching them interact with him, because their cheerful moods put Edward and I both into a state of happiness. Happiness we had both felt was lost.

"So," Sid began, "you're going to have one hell of a story to share with group when you come back, Edward."

"Yeah, no one will want to hear about our boring, drug-induced stupors. They'll all want to hear about your stay in the hospital," Jeremiah said, laughing.

"And all of the wonderful drugs you've experienced while here," Sid added, winking.

"These drugs are anything but wonderful," Edward said. "The only thing that helped a little was steroids."

"Ahhh, yes, I can see it now. Endless group meetings discussing Edward's bout with steroids."

Edward laughed and playfully nudged him. "Ah, nothing can beat your sad, alcoholic father story. Much more compelling than my tale any day."

We all laughed, not really taking each other's comments seriously. I felt relieved that these people could help Edward finally laugh and joke about his illness, something he rarely did. Because of Edward's stay in the hospital, I had to forego the indie concert we had all planned to attend. Sid and Jeremiah were now acting out the entire show for us, while Nick strummed the guitar and Katie laughed. After seeing Sid jump in the air and do some incredibly dorky scissor kicks--the kind only an indie kid in high watered pants could pull off. The clash perfectly with Sid's classic punk rock style.

"Anyway, it was amazing. Wish you coulda been there. I even got a guitar pick," Jeremiah said, pulling out a necklace with a guitar pick hanging from it.

"Sweet. But tell me, did they play the old stuff?" I asked.

"Ah, of course. The concert was to promote their new stuff, of course. But they brought out the oldies but goodies, baby."

Edward smiled. "Sounds like fun. Next time they come, we'll all go see them."

Everyone grew silent for a moment as we weighed the possibilities of what would happen if Edward wasn't around for their next show. Sid smiled. "Yeah, we will."

The night wore on, and the others had to leave, heading back to Seattle for school. After much arguing, Edward had convinced his siblings to go back to their respective colleges and finish out the semesters, so Emmett and Alice's last visit would be on Saturday.

In the month and a half that followed, Edward was close to death three separate times, his blood count too low to survive. After three successful blood transfusions, and an extensive engraftment period, he was finally released to go home. His doctor would begin making house calls and Edward was not to over exert himself in any way. He still tired easily and was often times weak.

The part that made me happiest is that Edward seemed headed for a recovery.

O.O.O.O


	14. Chapter 13: Home

A/N: Thanks again. A lot of you have asked me if I experienced this personally. The answer is no. My great grandfather died of leukemia, and I've been asking the family (but their memories are fading), and I do A LOT of research. That's why I'm happy we're heading for remission, because I can stop reading about AML for a while. Also, his treatment may seem speedy, but I want to get to happier times. In all actuality, chemo can take place over a period of months. Because his main method of recovery was a transplant, he had a month and a half of strong chemo (given in cycles), radiation therapy for two, and then the transplant takes about a month for engraftment to occur. During this time, blood transfusions are given, weekly, depending on the blood content being transfused. After engraftment, the doctor will determine the ability to release the patient. Edward was healthy enough to go home, but will be monitored carefully.

Chapter 13: Home

"Here we go, step up carefully," I told Edward as I helped him up the porch of my father's home.

"Bella, I'm not as weak as I was."

"Whatever. You just spent too many months in a hospital. I'm taking all necessary precautions."

Edward smiled and leaned his head on my shoulder for a brief moment. Argue as he might, he was breathing heavily, as though he had just run a lap. I rolled my eyes and said, "We'll use the wheelchair when you decide it's time to go out."

"I want to go back to school," he complained.

"Not until, at least, next semester. Doctor's orders."

"This royally blows, Bella," he said. "I'm going to be stuck inside, and you will be my attending nurse lady…which, if you can get a hold of a nurses outfit, may not be so bad…"

I laughed and opened the door, flicking the lights on. I had done some serious cleaning while Edward was still in the hospital, to prepare the house for him. Everything had to be shampooed, from the furniture to the drapes. The air filters were changed, twice. And I nailed all windows shut, because I knew Edward would sneak them open when I wasn't looking. I didn't want to risk him getting an infection, so the whole house had been sterilized to the best of my abilities. Esme and Carlisle had bought a new bed for him to sleep in, and I set him up in my old bedroom.

"Let's wash our hands," I said as he carefully walked to the bathroom.

"We need to buy hand sanitizer," he mentioned.

"I don't know if you can use that just yet. Your skin will get kinda dry."

He huffed and thoroughly scrubbed his hands. "So, let's go upstairs shall we? I want to see this new bed."

We walked slowly up the stairs, and by the end, Edward was tired. I furrowed my brow. "I can set you up in the living room downstairs, if you'd like."

He shook his head. "No. The doctor said I needed to walk. It'll help me get stronger."

I nodded and opened the door to my room. I had taken down all of the old posters and gotten rid of most of my childhood nick nacks and replaced it all with more adult decorations. Edward wrinkled his nose. "What happened in here?" he asked.

"I redecorated, with Esme's help. You don't like it?" I was disappointed.

"It's not that at all. I'm just…it doesn't give off that "Bella" feel I loved so much."

I laughed and he sat on the edge of the bed and began taking his shoes off. "I do like the purple satin sheets, however," he grinned wickedly, remembering the same thing I had when I had purchased the sheets.

"Thought you might."

Edward flopped back onto them and inhaled. "It doesn't even smell like you in here anymore. It smells like cleaner and new furniture."

"Give it some time, Edward. It'll smell like _us_ shortly. Well, as long as it takes for me to clean the room again."

"Which will be?"

"Probably twice a week. You have to go into a different room, though, when I clean."

Edward nodded and looked at my now empty walls. "Will you at least put that picture of Zeppelin back on the wall? I miss seeing their smiling faces."

"It doesn't go with the room, though," I said, waving my hand around me.

"Bella, the room is decorated in brown and turquoise. The poster was that old fashioned brown. And, I don't care if it matches."

I laughed and went to the closet and retrieved the framed poster that had hung on my wall for over ten years. I hung it on the nail next to the bed. "There," I smiled.

"Much better. Feels a little more like home now."

I nodded and grinned widely. "I bought some presents for you."

"You did?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. "You didn't have to do that."

I went downstairs to retrieve the large garbage bag and box, which was no easy feat, and I thought I'd trip more than once. "So, which would you like to open first?" I asked.

He eyed the garbage bag and raised an eyebrow at it. "The bag."

I nodded and set it on the bed next to him. "What is it?" he asked.

"Look inside."

He did so, and then busted out laughing, the loudest I had heard in a long time. He lifted the bag slightly and tipped out its contents: over 100 different hats in all shapes and designs. "Where did you get all of these?" he asked, touching them.

"All over. I've been to every store that carried hats in Forks and Port Angeles. Which really was not that difficult, actually."

He laughed and nodded in agreement. He lifted a hat from the pile and put it on. It was shaped like a train- conductor's hat, but it was black with a "Voldemort votes Republican" button on it. He laughed at the button and high fived me. "That button took me forever to find. Actually, Sid found it in the end."

"I like it. Is it my style though?" he looked at me, and I could almost see the old Edward coming through.

"Yeah, makes you look like a rebellious, angsty teenager with an affinity for trouble."

"Excellent."

He rummaged through the pile of hats and laughed as he tried them on. It had taken me forever to hand wash one hundred bacteria-ridden hats, but the look on his face made it worth my time. "Okay," he said, a hat with two slots for beer cans on the sides on top his head, "what's the other gift?"

I shrugged and began shoving hats into the garbage bag as he peeled off the newspaper I had wrapped the long box in. "Oh, Bella," he whispered as he peeled off the rest of the paper. "This is awesome."

It was a portable keyboard, one I had picked up from a local pawn shop for a rather good price--the only price I could actually afford, having not worked in months. He opened the box and pulled it out. I plugged him in, and after fiddling with the knobs and buttons, he began to play my lullaby. "I know you said you wanted to play piano. And your parents bought you one of those--it's downstairs. But, I figured this would be nice for when you were too tired to go downstairs."

He smiled up at me from under his long eyelashes. "You think of everything, Bella. I love it, and I can play it in bed."

I nodded and kissed his forehead. "You hungry at all?"

He shrugged. "A little bit. I really want some ice cream."

I knew I hadn't bought any ice cream and that I'd have to run to the store. "What kind?" I asked.

"Chocolate brownie. But you don't have to run out and make a special trip."

"No, I will. What about for food? What else?"

"Some noodles. With alfredo sauce."

"I actually have that," I said.

He smiled. "Then, let's skip the ice cream. Let's have pasta."

"I have popsicles," I told him.

"Good enough."

"I'll go start the noodles now then."

"I'll come with you," Edward said, before I pushed him back down.

"Stay up here. I'll be right back."

Edward glared at me, but did as he was told. He sat back against the headboard and played with his new keyboard. I smiled as I noticed a sparkle in his eye I hadn't seen for some time. Edward's music filled the house, and for the first time, I got a glimpse of what married life was going to be like--me cooking as I listened to Edward's beautiful tunes fill the air. After the constant beeping and humming of the hospital machines, this was like heaven.

I returned to him quickly and he welcomed me in. I began grabbing his hospital luggage and lugging it to the end of the hall. I put all of his dirty clothing into the washer and sighed. "So, pretty lady, when do I get to have my bath?"

"Whenever you'd like," I said.

"Now would be nice. I feel all…hospital-y. I want to smell like me again."

I laughed and grabbed a towel from the hall closet as we made our way into the bathroom. "Do you need help?" I asked him.

"No. But company would be nice," he said suggestively.

I rolled my eyes and giggled. "Perhaps we should wait until you feel better for that?"

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Nonsense, you can be on top. Then I won't have to exert as much energy."

"Edward!"

"What?"

I laughed and started the water as he unbuttoned his shirt. "Ah, you're no fun," he said.

I sighed and watched as he stepped into the tub and sat down. "Like what you see?" he asked slyly.

"Yes, actually."

"Well, it's all yours."

I laughed again and took the hat off of his head. "Why are you still wearing this ridiculous thing?"

"Hey! Put it back on!"

"Edward--"

"Bella, I am bald. It is disgusting."

I rolled me eyes and ran a hand over his bald head. "It's not disgusting. And it'll grow back. Soon."

Edward looked into the water and sighed. "You know," I began, "perhaps I would like a bath."

I pulled my shirt over my head and felt Edward's eyes on me. "It's been too long, Bella. Too long."

"I'm only getting into the tub with you. Don't get any ideas."

I slipped off my underwear and climbed into the tub, settling myself between his legs. I leaned back into his chest and sighed happily. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my hair. "God, I've missed you. I hated that damn hospital, so bad. I hated not being able to do anything. I hate that you're not able to do anything, like finish the year off at school, because you're stuck here, taking care of me."

"Nonsense. I want to help you. You are my husband, and you need me."

"You know, I still haven't bought you a band, yet," he mentioned, lifting my hand from the water to look at my engagement ring.

"I haven't bought you one yet, either," I replied.

"Well, then, we'll just have to go get some soon," he said and he kissed my finger before bringing my hand back to my stomach and holding his hand over it.

He placed his chin on my shoulder and lightly kissed my bare skin. "Bella," he began.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"There was something I needed to talk to you about."

"What's that?" I asked, worried at his tone.

"Well, the doctor mentioned something to me before I left, a few days ago."

I said nothing and waited for him to continue. He cleared his throat, which sounded as though it was still rather painful. "He said that there's a big chance that I am infertile."

My eyes grew wide and I turned around to face him. He looked upset by my departure from his embrace and saddened by the look on my face. "That means…we can never…?"

He shook his head. "No. He thinks it's only temporary. He said I should be able to have kids within a year or so."

I was still worried, but felt a wave of relief wash over me. Edward continued. "He said, when I am well enough to be with you, that we should still take the necessary precautions. He also said this shouldn't affect my ability to…please you."

I nodded, taking all if this in. There was a possibility that Edward and I would never get to have kids, even if it was a small possibility in the doctor's eyes. I felt like crying, but didn't want Edward to see. So I nodded and wrapped my arms around him. "All right. It'll be all right."

He kissed the top of my head and sighed. "We should probably check on the alfredo."

O.O.O.O

Okay, another short chapter. But MUCH happier.


	15. Chapter 14: The Road to Recovery

A/N: I was trying so desperately to hold off writing this chapter until I got 700 reviews, just to see if I could. Nope, we're still, as of right now, 6 away from the 700 mark. Thanks you guys, really! 694 reviews is amazing!

Chapter 14: The Road to Recovery

"I really don't think you need my help showering anymore, Edward," I said as Edward came down the stairs, a towel around his waist.

He moved my wet hair from my face and kissed just below my jaw. "Neither do I, but I so love it when you do."

"You are wicked, Cullen."

"Hey, you're a Cullen now, too. How about a little respect for the name."

I laughed and he pinched my butt. I was only wearing one of his oversized Van Halen t-shirts and a pair of reasonable cotton underwear as I made homemade chicken noodle soup. Showering with Edward had become a daily routine, as I "helped" him (which basically consisted of me kissing him incessantly, but always stopping it before anything too physical and exhausting to Edward could happen).

He sat at the table and traced the pattern in the table cloth with his finger. "Bella, when can we try?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. It was the same question he asked me every day. "When you get stronger. There's a reason the French call an orgasm 'la petit mort.'"

He narrowed his eyes. "I'm not to going to die, Bella. Besides, they only called it that because they thought that every breath took time off your life, and an orgasm causes you to breathe much more in such a short time."

"Which, in your case, could kill you."

"Stop over-exaggerating. It would not kill me."

"But it could make you bed ridden with weakness for days," I said.

"Bella," his voice was stern, and hinting at pleading, "I am not as fragile as I was. I'm getting stronger every day."

"I know. Those walks are certainly helping you," I commented.

I looked at Edward and took in his appearance. It had been a month since his return home, and his hair was starting to grow back, dark and the texture of peach fuzz. The doctor had said that there was a possibility that his hair could grow back with a different texture or color, and he was right. Edward's new peach fuzz was a substantially darker shade of auburn-y bronze than it was before. His skin, still pale, now flushed with the wind that blew on his face when we went for evening walks. His body no longer smelled like a hospital, but like him again. He was still incredibly thin, refusing to eat a whole lot even now. He couldn't wait to start working out again, and Emmett had a workout routine all ready for him.

Emmett and Rosalie had come and stayed with us for a brief period of time, before they went to Spain for the summer. Emmett had taken Edward out back, to toss the football lazily and talk, while Rosalie, who hadn't ever been my favorite person, talked to me. And she talked about the subject I dreaded the most.

"So, when can we expect little Cullens?" she asked, leaning carelessly against the countertop as I washed dishes.

I cringed inwardly, and perhaps even outwardly, as I said, "We…don't even know if that's…possible."

Rosalie looked at me for a long moment, realization slowly creeping over her too-perfect features. "Oh…that's too bad."

**EPOV**

"So, you can't have children, like, ever?" Emmett asked, concern flooding his voice.

I shrugged and tossed him the football. "I don't really know. The doctor thinks it'll wear off in a year or so."

Emmett's brow furrowed. "Man, that royally sucks. I'm sorry. I'm sure the doctor's right, though. I mean, that's his job, right?"

"I guess. I talked with dad. He seemed to agree."

"Well, that's lucky. So, does this mean you can't…make love to Bella?" my brother asked curiously.

"Not at all. It has no problem functioning in that way. Not that it makes any difference. Bella's boycotting sex until I 'feel better.'"

Emmett raised an eyebrow. "Doesn't she realize you just came out of a hospital for a better part of the year? Look at you, you're out walking and playing catch!"

"I know. I'm shaking like a goddamn leaf, here."

"Eh, maybe she's right though. It was really…scary. To see you lying in the hospital bed like that, with tubes in you and such. Maybe you shouldn't spend your energy just yet, push your luck. You know? Take things slow. I don't think any of us could handle seeing you in a hospital room again. It would kill mom."

I nodded and sighed, knowing he was right, but _feeling_ that I wanted the exact opposite. Emmett and Rose left shortly thereafter and I headed up to my room, to wallow in self pity and pretend to sleep. I was lying in the bed, my back to the door, when I heard Bella's light feet pad across the wooden floors. Her weight pushed on the mattress and I could hear her rub a hand against it and sigh. "Edward?" her voice was barely a whisper.

How could I deny this angel what she wanted? Lie to her, pretend to be asleep? I couldn't. I wanted to hear her voice some more. "Yeah?" I asked, turning over and pulling the blanket up to my ears to block out the chilly air of the house.

"What went wrong?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"In our lives, I mean. We had our whole lives mapped out. We were going to finish undergrad, then get married, work through grad, and then have kids. The white house and picket fence, the dog, everything the average American dreams about."

I sighed and reached over to place my hand over hers. "Nothing went wrong. At least, nothing we could control. If there is a God, this was his plan for me, for us."

"What if I don't like this plan?" she asked.

I scoffed. "Bella, no one likes having cancer, or watching a loved one struggle with it. But I can't complain too much--it brought me your hand in marriage that much faster."

I kissed her soft hand and she smiled at me--that sweet, innocent, heart wrenching smile I love so much. She laid back against the purple satin pillow case and turned her head towards me, so that our faces were merely inches apart. "I guess I can't complain about that either. But it's still unfair."

"What's so unfair, Bella? People get diagnosed with cancer everyday."

"I know…but…you're the last person who deserved something like this to happen to them," I could hear the pain in her voice.

"No one who actually gets cancer deserves it. Bad things happen to good people. And bad people live the longest. That's just the way it is."

She laughed lightly, considering my words. "My dad's doing better," she mentioned lightly.

I leaned up on my elbow so I could look down at her. It began to wobble slightly, so I laid back down, still facing her. "Is he now?" I asked. "He should be getting released soon, right?"

She smiled and nodded. "In a week."

"Should we prepare his room, then?" I asked.

She shook her head. "Nope. He's going to live in an alcoholic's recovery complex. He'll share an apartment with a few of the guys from his ward."

I narrowed my eyes, suspicious of this, but decided she needed no more stress in her life at the present moment. She traced a stitch in the purple satin pillowcase. "Do you remember?" she asked.

I knew right away to what she was referring. "Of course. We had to throw the sheets away when we were done. They were ruined."

She laughed and swatted my arm. "Yeah, but do you remember how young we were?"

"It was only a few years ago," I pointed out.

"Yes, but…so much has happened since then. It feels like forever ago."

I sighed in agreement. "When I am well enough, we'll take another trip to California. Just the two of us. Or perhaps you'd prefer the vineyards of the Italian countryside?"

Bella's eyes widened. "You're not spending your money to take me to Europe."

"One, it's now _our_ money. Two, we need a honeymoon. And three, I want to go. And I need a pretty little piece of arm candy to escort me."

She laughed again and glared at me as sternly as she could. "Yeah. Right. I don't need a honeymoon, Edward. I have you now. That's all I need."

I shrugged. "I don't care. I think after all this, I deserve a vacation, personally. I'll buy you a ticket. You can come along if you wish."

She smiled and sighed, shifting her head so that it was on my chest. She rubbed my skin gingerly with her fingertips, afraid even now that I would break at her gentlest touch. As we laid there, I remembered a day back when we were still only friends, when Alice had first brought it to our attention that we were going to be soul mates one day:

"_You know, you two argue like an old married couple," Rosalie commented, breaking our conversation._

"_Of course they do. Everyone knows Edward and Bella are going to end up together," Alice said knowingly._

_I looked at Edward and he looked back. A smile broke over his face and he made a face at me. "I don't think so. Bella's practically my sister."_

"_Yeah, Alice. It's not going to happen."_

_Emmett rolled his eyes. "You two are so naïve."_

"_No, we're just sure of our status," Edward replied coolly. "As friends."_

"_Whatever you say. I just know we'll be seeing bronze-haired accident prone children one day," Alice said confidently._

That last comment, about our kids made me wishing that my doctor was right. That one day, Bella and I would have bronze-haired (or chestnut haired, since I have a preference for her hair) accident-prone (or completely graceful, to save from years of anguish and torture at school) children. I wanted so desperately to see Bella holding our newborn baby in her arms as I cried over her amazing child-rearing abilities. I could almost see it now. Almost.

**BPOV**

As I cuddled close to Edward, inhaling his frustratingly and intoxicatingly sweet, yet masculine, scent, I thought back to Alice's first mention of Edward and I as something more than just best friends. She had insinuated that we were more than friends, and predicted that we would one day have children of our own. I wished so desperately that she was, by some miracle, right. I could almost see it now: a small bronze haired, clumsy (well, hopefully graceful) child jumping up and down as Edward assembled a small bicycle, complete with training wheels.

I sighed and buried my nose deeper into his skin. His arms instinctively tightened around me. "Tell me what you're thinking about, Bella."

I bit my lip. I didn't want to mention the infertility right now, and get him unnecessarily sad or angry. "Our trip to California," I smoothly lied.

He laughed lightly, his breath rippling through my hair. "Get your mind out of the gutter, geez."

"Hey, I'm not the one begging for sex all day, every day," I mentioned.

"Yeah. But its been so long. Since what? Christmas? I rarely saw you before my stay in the hospital, and I am definitely got no action as I was puking my guts and the chemo up. And now, I'm on the road to recovery, and still nothing."

"You don't need to get over excited. Have patience," I chastised.

"Bella," Edward growled. "I would be perfectly fine."

"I disagree. And until I feel that you are well enough…you are going to remain a good little boy."

"This is not even fair. Can't even make love to my wife," he snorted in disgust.

I felt Edward's hand inch slowly from my waist to my bottom, where he gave it a firm squeeze. "Edward," I laughed. "Be good."

"But, it's so hard when you're wearing my clothing and looking like a vixen."

"A vixen? I've got on an old faded Van Halen shirt and blue underwear. My hair is a mess."

"Bella, none of that matters. You look hotter to me now than when you do fix yourself up. Not that you don't look hot then, but…I like you in chill clothes, looking adorably comfortable."

Edward snuck a kiss in the hollow below my ear, trailing his lips down my neck in a tantalizingly sexy way. I heard a moan at the back of my throat, and felt his lips turn upward in a smug smile. I pulled him closer to my skin, plating kisses of my own on his flesh. "You can kiss and touch. But we don't go any farther than that. Not tonight."

I heard a low rumble of contentment at the back of Edward's throat as he bit and nipped and licked at my shoulder. Without the possibility of sex, there was no rush. He took his sweet time in tasting and caressing my skin, leaving me frustrated and impatient. At one point, when he was leaving a burning trail of kisses down the valley between my breasts, I groaned in exasperation. "Edward, hurry up."

He raised his head slightly so that his eyes could meet mine. "Patience remember?"

Great. He had me eating my own words. Stupid bronze haired (or peach fuzzed, more like), green eyed, sex deprived…tease. He was a being a tease, and he was enjoying it. I could have killed him, had I not enjoyed the feel of his fingers tracing lacy patterns on the insides of my thighs.

O.O.O.O

You know the drill, by now. Thank you to everyone who follows the drill…and those who add me to alerts. And thanks to those who even read this story…that alone is an honor.

Anyway, my little minions, review time!


	16. Chapter 15: Taking Charlie Home

A/N: We are now over 750 reviews. That rocks! Y'all are amazing. You know, I personally liked 'Always' so much more, and that got way less reviews…Haha, funny the way that works.

Chapter 15: Taking Charlie Home

"What's _he_ doing here?" Edward asked crankily.

We had just arrived home after one of his weekly doctor's visits, which always made him unnecessarily volatile. I sighed and pulled into my driveway, waving to Sid as I did. "He's helping me move Charlie into his new apartment."

I turned off the ignition and looked at Edward. His face was sour and he was pouting. "What is wrong with you?"

"When am I going to be able to go places, other than the doctor's?" he asked.

"When the doctor says so," I sighed and touched his cheek. "Not much longer. Just have patience. The doctor says you're recovery is nothing short of a miracle. You should be happy."

He sighed slowly. "I am. I just…I want to be me again. I want to go places, see people--not at my own house-- make love to my _wife_, go to school and work."

I patted his leg. "I know. And you will. Just give it some time. Now, let's go."

He got out of the car and greeted Sid, more at ease and not so angry any more. It was impossible to stay angry when Sid was around. "So, where is this place?"

"Olympia. We need to swing by and pick up Jeremiah when we get there."

Sid gave me a salute and said, "Aye aye. Ed, you really need to stop looking like someone ran over your cat."

Edward's face had grown glum with the mention of Jeremiah. "I'm fine. Just--you guys come back and see me. I'm going stir crazy in this house."

Sid laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. The rain, ever present in Forks, grew heavier. Edward flipped his hood up and I sighed. "Edward, go inside before your low-immunity self catches pneumonia."

Edward glared at me and I laughed. "We'll be back in no time. Go run yourself a hot bath, make some food. There's some soup in the cabinet and bread in the box."

He nodded and I leaned up on my tip toes to plant a kiss on the tip of his nose. "Don't be so gloomy. Relish this time alone. It's the first time you've actually been alone in months."

"I don't want to be alone. I want to be anywhere you are," he replied.

"Go inside, now. I'm serious, if you get pneumonia, I'll kill you myself."

Edward laughed and said, "You could never do that. I'm too damn devilishly good looking."

Before I could swat him, he was backing towards the porch. He smiled half-heartedly and gave me a wink before going inside. As Sid and I climbed into the van, he asked, "So, how's Ed doing? Really?"

I smiled. "Good. Real good. He's recovering amazingly."

Sid looked relieved. "So, it's over?"

This is the question I always hated answering. "No. There's only a twenty to thirty percent chance he'll be fully recovered. A relapse is always looming in the distance."

Sid nodded and turned the ignition. Music blared from the radio, and I was happy there wasn't much more room for discussion. The drive from Forks to Olympia was about three hours. Jeremiah was staying with a friend on the outskirts of the city, so we picked him up before heading towards Roaring Oceans. I sighed as the asylum loomed into view.

"I'm sorry you guys have to help me do this. It's just…with Edward sick and Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper working the days, I didn't really have much men to help."

Sid shrugged and rolled his eyes dramatically, while Jeremiah shoved my shoulder from the backseat. "You know we'd do anything for you and Edward. Really."

We walked through the pouring rain quickly and up to the room my father was in. When I got in, my dad was folding laundry into a suitcase. "Hey, dad," I greeted him.

He gave a slight jump at the sound of my voice, but his face warmed at the sight of me. I gave him a tight hug and looked him over. He looked so much better--fattened up, the scars on his wrists were light pink now, his cheeks had a rosy tint to them, but most importantly, he was sober. "You look good, dad."

"You, too, kid."

I looked at Jeremiah and Sid. "Dad, these are my friends, Sid and Jeremiah."

Sid smiled and shook his hand, "It's a pleasure Chief Swan."

"Ahw, I'm not a chief anymore, son. But, thanks."

Jeremiah shook his hand and said, "Hey there. So, where's all of your stuff?"

My dad gestured toward a small pile of his stuff in the corner. "That's all of it. And this suitcase."

Jeremiah and Sid began picking up things to carry down to the van, retrieving everything in one trip. I turned to my father and helped him fold the few remaining articles of clothing. "What about furniture, dad?"

"Ah, an old friend from the force, who lives in Aberdeen, is giving me a bed and dresser. The wife just redid their bedroom."

I nodded. "Where's he live?"

"About five minutes away from the complex."

My father's new home was a three bedroom apartment that he would share with two other recovering alcoholics. It was located in Aberdeen, in a complex for recovering people with drug and alcohol addictions. "You ready?" I asked him as he zipped his suitcase.

"Yeah. I'll be down in a second. There's some people I'd like to say goodbye to."

His tone of voice suggested that he would say no more on the matter of who he would like to talk to, but I knew that was the cue for me to leave. I took his suitcase and sighed. "All right. But please hurry. Sid needs to get back to Seattle."

He nodded and I left the room. As I did, I saw an unfamiliar woman, with strawberry blond hair and copper colored eyes stroll past me, in the general direction of my father's room. She smiled my way politely and I did the same to her. I turned around and watched as she entered my father's room. A woman? When had my father made friends here? And more importantly, who was this woman?

I hurried to the car, as to not be caught spying on him. I climbed in and we waited a few minutes before he came down. He didn't look happy at all, but he smiled at me. "Hey, kid. How's Edward doing?"

He sat next to me in the back seat and we talked about Edward and his amazing recovery thus far. I so desperately wanted to question him--nay, _interrogate_ him--about the woman, but I kept my mouth shut. He told me about his stay at the asylum, about people he had met, meetings he had attended, and the lame activities he was required to do everyday.

My father had given up drinking, but not at a cost, He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his breast pocket and asked, "Sid, it okay if I smoke in here? I'm dying."

Sid shrugged. "Sure. Just keep the window down."

Aberdeen was only an hour away from Olympia and we had no trouble at all navigating our way to pick up my father's furniture. He knocked on the door of a middle class, average home and a rotund, balding man opened the door. He greeted my dad with a hearty laugh and a wide smile, grabbing him into a hug. "And who might these young'uns be?"

My dad turned around and grabbed me around the shoulders. "This here's my little girl, Bella."

"Bella? My my," the man said, "I haven't seen you since you were about…five years old! She's beautiful, Charlie."

My father smiled fondly at me. "Takes after her mother. And these," he gestured widely to Sid and Jeremiah, "Are two of her close friends from school."

"School? Where are you attending, Bella?"

"Washington State, sir," I replied as the man, whose name was Harry, began walking up his front steps.

"A fine school, indeed. And what is it you're studying for?"

"Criminal psych," I responded.

I didn't know why, but every time someone asked me that question, my blood began to boil. Everyone who I had talked to in the last two years had asked me that question and I was sick of answering it, quite frankly. I smiled politely as he led us to a back room. Bedroom furniture was placed carelessly in the otherwise empty room. "Take what you'd like, Charlie. The wife hates this furniture, even though we just bought it a year ago… Never satisfied."

He shook his head and Sid and Jeremiah moved into the room. "Shall we get the bed?" Jeremiah asked.

"Yes, Harry, and I'll get the dresser, thanks."

I watched as the four men transported a bed and dresser to the van outside. My mind wandered to Edward at home and I sighed, unhappily. I missed him already.

As if on cue, my cell phone, courtesy of Edward, vibrated in my pocket. The name read Cullen, and I smiled. "Hey," I said after flipping it open. "I miss you."

His musical laughter filled the line. "I miss you! I just needed to hear your voice," he said.

"I know, I'm amazing…no need to tell me," I teased.

I could practically hear him roll his eyes. "Yeah, don't get arrogant, now," he said.

It was my turn to laugh. "It's so good to hear your voice."

"It's only been five hours."

"I know, but…feels like much longer."

He made a noise of agreement and I could hear the water running in the background. "What are you doing?" I asked.

"Running a bath. I am so bored. I broke a guitar string on the Les Paul. I have no backups."

I sighed. "I'll pick you up some on the way home."

"Or, I could just walk to the music shop. It's only a fifteen minute walk."

"Edward," I began sternly. "You will do nothing of the sort."

"Bella," again, I knew he rolled his eyes, "I'm fine. I'll be quick about it."

I sighed, knowing there was no arguing with him. "Be careful, Edward. Why can't you drive?"

"I need the exercise."

"It's raining."

"It's Forks, Bella. It's _always_ raining. I'll be fine. No problem."

I sighed again, frustrated that he was so stubborn. "All right. I'll be home as soon as I can. Call Emmett and see if he can keep you company until I get home."

"I will. Love you."

"I love you. More."

"That's simply impossible, Swan."

"Cullen," I corrected him.

His smile was evident in his voice as he said, "I still have to get used to that."

I laughed and hung up. Hearing his voice had made me happier. I dreaded the time when we would return back to school and would spend little time together. No. Next year would not be the same. I would make sure of that.

When the men had securely tied the mattress to the top of the van, a tarp protecting it from the rain, and stuffed the bed pieces and dresser in the back of the van, we all climbed in. The five minute drive to my father's new apartment was short, too short to really start conversation. It wasn't until he and Sid were sitting on the floor of his new bedroom, putting together the bed frame, that I finally got the courage to ask him about the woman. Or rather, I didn't even have to ask, really. Sid brought it up for me.

"So, Charlie, any special women in your life?"

"My daughter," he said.

"Any others?" Sid hinted, waggling his eyebrows.

Dad was quiet and I waited for him to continue on his own. He didn't. "Is it the strawberry blond, dad?" I asked, half-teasing, half-serious.

His eyes snapped up to mine and then narrowed. "How did you know about Suzie?"

"I didn't. I just saw her go into your room today. But your question confirmed my suspicions."

My father sighed hopelessly. "Her name's Suzie. She was in for a bout of hallucinations and self-induced injuries."

I lifted my eyebrows. "We don't want to hear about that. We want to hear about _her._ What's she like?"

My father's face grew animated. "She's thirty-five. A freelance writer, struggling to make it, but happy none-the-less."

I couldn't see how a person who inflicted their own injuries could be happy, but listened without interrupting him anyway. "She's smart, and funny, and her laugh--it's like nothing I've ever heard."

"Well, that's great, dad."

"We're getting married, Bells."

I practically fell over in my spot. Married? But, what about my mother? Had he forgotten her? I voiced these questions. My father's face fell and his brow furrowed. "Of course I haven't forgotten your mother. But, Bells, she's dead."

"But…she was your one true love!" I shouted, my eyes welling inexplicably.

"Yes, she was. But, there's just something about getting old and being alone. It scares me."

I looked long and hard at my father, his features aged beyond there time from prolonged alcohol abuse. I slowly nodded. "And, Suzie…she makes me happy again. Truly happy, for the first time since your mom died."

This appeared to be true. My father's face hadn't held color since I was twelve. But, still, I couldn't calm the tears that welled in my eyes. "When?"

"September. She always wanted a fall wedding, and its still warm enough in September."

September. Wow. Only a few months away. Sid got up to give my father and I some privacy and my father stood and stepped in front of me. "What's the matter, kid?" he asked, wiping my bangs away from my face like he did when I was a little girl.

For the first time in years, I could see my father, how I remembered him--caring, sober, and eyes full of loving worry. I had so missed him like this. I put my arms around him and he seemed startled. I hadn't hugged him like this since I was a little girl--Edward was always the one to calm my troubles, not my father. I couldn't answer his question, for I didn't even know the answer.

I pulled away and wiped the tears away from my face, looking at the pieces of his bed frame that still had to be put together. "We should really finish this up, dad. Edward's at home alone."

My father nodded and we finished piecing his room together. I was hanging clothing in his closet when his roommate came home. "Hey, Charlie!" a short, dark haired woman yelled excitedly.

She kissed him on either cheek and stepped back. "You must be Bella. I'm Karen, your father's new roommate," she said, shaking my hand vigorously.

Karen certainly had enough energy to go around. She reminded me a lot of little Alice. "Hi," I responded anticlimactically.

"Charlie's talked a lot about you over our few months in Roaring Oceans together."

"Has he?" I was genuinely surprised.

"Yeah. I'm so happy he's found someone! Suzie moves in next month, of course," she was talking very quickly. I wondered off-handedly if she had been addicted to crack…

"Well, dad, we really gotta be heading out. Sid's got to get back to Seattle before it gets too late."

My father nodded and smiled, throwing an arm around my shoulders. "Come and visit me some time. It's only two hours from Forks to Aberdeen."

I nodded. "When Edward's well enough to travel, we'll both come and visit."

His face grew sour for a moment. "I'm not so sure he likes me."

I sighed. "I'm not so sure he does either. But, we'll see."

The drive back to Forks was a silent one for me. Sid and Jeremiah, both heading back to Seattle now, were joking and conversing in the front seat, thankfully ignoring me. They were good at leaving me alone when I wanted to be. "Sid, I need you to drop me off somewhere."

"Where's that?" he asked, switching lanes.

"Forks Cemetery."

He looked at me in the backseat from his rearview mirror. "Swan, why on earth would I do that. It's raining terribly out here."

"Weren't you the one who once told me that life still goes on in Washington despite the rain?" I teased.

He laughed. "Touché. How are you going to get home?"

"I'll walk. It's only a few minutes away from my house."

Sid pulled up in front of the cemetery and eyed me nervously. "You all right? Do you need our support?"

"Yeah," Jeremiah said, "You want us to come in with you?"

I shook my head. "No this is something I have to do alone. Thanks, though. And thanks for all of your help today. I couldn't have done it without you."

I flipped my hood up against the rain and climbed out of the van before they could say any more. I pushed the tall wrought iron gate open and stepped into the cemetery. The headstones looked bright and oddly morbid against the bright jade of the grass and the dark slate of the sky. I knew where she was buried, though I'd never had the courage to come here after her funeral.

She was in the back, next to an old oak tree. Her headstone was simple enough: _Here lies Renee Swan, loving mother and wife._ There was a little marble vase built in to place flowers in, and after her funeral, my father came and put flowers in every few days--before he had started turning to the alcohol to numb the pain. I looked at the ground, covered in puddles and though better against sitting down. I sat, instead, on the headstone next to hers.

I placed my head in my hands and let myself cry. My tears mixed and mingled with the drops of rain that fell on my skin. It was odd, I hadn't cried for my mother in years. My memories were fading in fact. I couldn't remember her clearly anymore. The sound of her laugh, her voice, her habits--all were fading from my mind. I didn't even know why I was crying now. Perhaps it was because I couldn't remember much about her, only memories and clips of brief memories of birthday parties and Christmases. I knew my father's memory was much better, and it made me angry that he could find solace in another woman while his memories of my mother were so vivid.

I began to hum "Build Me Up Buttercup," a song I remembered my mother used to sing when I'd get a scrape or didn't feel well. I could no longer hear her voice, but I knew the song well. I finally looked up, my tears no longer falling, washed away by the rain. When I did, Edward was there, leaning against a tree thirty yards away.

I smiled to him, ashamed of my idiocy and emotions. He slowly walked to me, holding a bouquet of fresh flowers in his hand. He bent down, wordlessly, and placed them in the marble vase on her headstone. He came and sat next to me, wrapping his arm around his shoulders. I leaned into him and he said, "I used to come here sometimes, after she died."

I looked up at him. "You did?"

"Yeah. I remember you told me you never wanted to come back here. But I couldn't do it. I had to visit her sometimes. She was a second mother to me."

I took in this information. "You never told me."

"I didn't want to upset you," he sighed. "You were so easily upset and crying all of the time. I didn't want to hurt you further."

O.O.O.O

A nice long chapter. A lot happened here, I feel like.

Reviews would be lovely, of course.


	17. Chapter 16: TWoOD II

A/N: This story is coming to an end, I think…Y'all, don't start hating me yet, though. I'm planning an epilogue and a third part (dun dun dun)!

Chapter 16: The Winter of Our Discontent II

It was late September when I was finally convinced that Edward was well enough to live somewhat normally. I stood, watching my father recite his vows to Suzie. I had gotten to know Suzie quite a bit over the last few months (she and my father had come for a week long visit, and she and I had hit it off right away). I couldn't think of a better person for my father to spend the rest of his life with.

I dabbed at my eyes and Edward put his arm around me, comforting me. It had been almost three months since my breakdown in the cemetery. I could never find the words to say to Sid and Jeremiah, to properly express my gratitude that they had informed Edward of my whereabouts. All I could do was mumble a thanks and hug each of them. They seemed to get it though. They always did.

I looked at my own husband. His hair had started growing back, thankfully, covering his whole head now. It was much darker than it had been before, but much softer. I couldn't wait until it was long enough to fall into his eyes. I placed my hand on his chest, where the catheter had been when he was getting transfusions, the small, circular scar there. His skin was gaining color back, and his walk was quicker, not so sickly anymore. His eyes, which had lost the sparkle I had grown to love when he was sick, had come back. The mischief and joy that had always been present in his eyes was back. The wrinkles by his eyes crinkled when he laughed--full, hearty laughs now.

He had thrown all of his spare time into music during those first few months of recovery. There was nothing that I loved more than to hear him playing in our bedroom as I prepared supper. To watch him was something else entirely. He closed his eyes, whether it was the guitar or piano he was playing, and let his fingers do the work. Beautiful, mournful, and even cheerful melodies flowed smoothly from his fingertips.

He had begged me to allow him to go back to school in fall. At first I was reluctant, but after much persuasion on his part (those damn green eyes of his), I had agreed. With some conditions: first, he was not allowed to work until the spring. Second, he could not take more classes than required for full time students. And third, he was to see me everyday. The first two conditions he had given me trouble over, but reluctantly accepted because I refused to allow the third condition to be met unless he accepted the first two.

We were happier now, in our third year of college than we ever had been before. I had gotten my job at the bookstore back, and Edward spent his afternoons there, sitting in the coffee shop and studying. We saw each other everyday, for hours. And not all of those hours were spent studying this time--though, we were only a month into the semester, I was optimistic it would remain this way.

And so, here we sit, at my father's second wedding, with me crying and Edward…being Edward. He was wiping the tears away with his thumb and smiling, humming a soft tune so only I could hear. I was still upset about my father's willingness to let go of my mother, but I knew why he did it and why I had to finally accept the fat that my mother was gone forever. Life still goes on. Even for me and dad. If I had died, I would wish Edward to find someone else, to love again and be happy.

I watched my father and Suzie kiss chastely before we all rose and cheered them on. I smiled and laughed as a few people tossed shiny confetti at them. The small Aberdeen church was the perfect setting for the wedding--quaint and ordinary, not over the top and ritzy. Just like my father. We all rose from the pews and followed them out as they hopped into my dad's old cruiser and took off. That had been a joke--the cruiser that read 'Just Married' with handcuffs painted next to it. My father had laughed joyously at he sight of it.

The reception was held at a small dance hall on the edge of town. The music was old-fashioned and light, nothing compared to the upbeat and erotic grinding music played at modern weddings. I loved it, especially when Edward surprised me and sang every song softly in my ear. He twirled and spun me around the dance floor, much to my dismay. But I had slipped my shoes off and had only tripped once.

I was worried that Edward's health was not fully stable enough for all of this exercise, but he assured me he would stop when he grew too tired. Most of the songs were slow enough that we could just sway in place. He snuck kisses when he thought my father wasn't looking, down my neck and jaw, beneath my ear, on my lips.

"I want to give you a proper wedding," he said into my ear as we swayed to "In the Still of the Night."

I shook my head. "Our's was perfect. In its own way."

He sighed, his warm breath tickling my ear. "Always so stubborn."

"Of course," I replied and he laughed throatily.

"How about a reception, with everyone we know. And then a proper honeymoon?" he asked, bargaining.

"You're not spending money on me."

"We are spending our money on us," he corrected. "And we're going to Europe. For spring break."

"You talk like you already have everything set," I said to him, smiling.

"I do," he replied, kissing my hand that was clasped within his.

I pulled back and glared at him. "You don't!"

"I do. And there's just nothing you can do about it_, Cullen_."

I swatted him, though being called Cullen sent a shiver down my spine. "Edward! I can't believe you did that!"

"Hush now. Let's dance," he said, placing a finger over my lips.

I pouted and he began to laugh and spin me around--a dance completely inappropriate for the music, but perfect for us. As the night came to an end, both Edward and I were tired and we left before the reception was fully over. My dad was standing by the door, seeing guests out, his new bride attached to his arm. "Oh, hey kids. Leaving already?" his voice was saddened a bit.

I nodded. "We're getting pretty tired. And Edward still has to drive home."

My father leaned in to kiss my cheek while Suzie hugged Edward. Then we switched and he was shaking my dad's hand and I was hugging Suzie. "Bye, y'all. Keep out of trouble, you hear?"

The laughed and my dad nodded. "Yeah. Don't worry about us."

There was not even alcohol at the reception and he looked happier than ever, so I had no reason to worry. With a last kiss to his cheek, Edward and I took our leave. "I really gotta get a new car," Edward said when we were driving home.

"Why, I thought you loved this Volvo. It's a classic."

"I know. But…I want to go…fast."

"Oh, no you don't. You may be able to beat cancer, but I would not push your luck if you get wrapped around a tree."

Edward laughed. "Always worrying."

"Of course. I can't afford to lose you."

Edward looked over at me and smiled, running his fingers over my arm. "You've got me. Forever and ever."

"I like the sound of that."

He laughed his musical laugh and I placed my head against the headrest. "Go to sleep now, angel," I heard him whisper.

Sleep overtook me and the two hour drive to Forks was over in no time. Edward opened my door and was unbuckling me, no doubt he would try to carry me to the door. I opened my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck. "You aren't carrying me."

He sighed and I captured his lips with my own. "C'mon. Let's get inside. It's cold and rainy out here," he said when I finally let him go.

We jogged to the porch and I claimed the key from under the mat. We had been away, at school in Seattle, for the last month, but the familiar smell of home was comforting. I breathed in deeply as Edward fumbled for the light switch. "You look dead on your feet."

I laughed as I looked at him. He looked perfect, still in his suit and his little bit of hair stuck to his head with rain water. "Let's go to bed, Edward."

He grinned widely and I giggled. Edward said, "Why, you little fox…" and tried to grab hold of my dress as I swept passed him and up the stairs.

"I am going get you, Cullen. And you're not going to be sorry when I do," he said, chasing me up the stairs.

I ran into our room, Edward hot on my heels. He captured me around the waist and kissed my neck, and I squealed. "Got you," he replied arrogantly.

I laughed and he smiled against my skin. "Let's not waste any time," he said, and I felt his fingers brush along my back.

I shivered at his touch, pleasure tingling under my skin. He unzipped my dress in one movement, splaying kisses across my bare back as he did. His fingers teased my skin sensuously and I felt him bite my shoulder lightly. "Edward," I practically moaned. "Play fair."

He laughed and I turned around. "Now tell me, Mrs. Cullen, why should I play fair? You have been teasing me nonstop for months now, only letting me touch but never have."

I raised an eyebrow at his choice of words and began undoing his tie. I slipped off the silk tie, loving the feel of it between my fingers. He kissed my hair, my face, my shoulders as I did so. My fingers fumbled with the buttons on his dress shirt, and he chuckled. "You seem tense," he joked.

"Hush," I said, smiling despite myself.

I finally got it undone and I un-tucked it from his pants. He watched, a playful smile on his lips as I slid my hands into his open shirt and across the blazing hot skin of his chest. I leaned in, inhaling his scent, and kissed his collarbone. I allowed my tongue to graze across his skin and heard a rumble in the back of his throat. I grinned and slid my hands over his shoulders, pulling his shirt with it. He rolled his shoulders and let it fall to the floor at our feet. He slipped off his shoes and kicked them away without even pulling back, and I continued my assault on his bare skin.

He allowed his hands to go around my back to unclasp the strapless bra and tossed it aside. He smiled, his face radiant in the moonlight shining through the window. He kissed across my bare chest, just as I had done to him, licking and nipping purposefully. I leaned back against the wall behind me and arched my back into his touch, moaning when I felt his teeth graze against my skin. He was on his knees, kissing and caressing my torso. I dug my hands into his short hair, clutching him to me. He grinned and rose to his full height.

"What--"

I was cut off when Edward kissed me, full of passion and love I hadn't felt from him in too long. He placed his hands on either side of my head and brushed his lips across my neck and shoulders. "I love you, Bella," he whispered into my ear, running his hands down my sides and around to grab my bottom in his hands.

I made a noise at the back of my throat, one I hoped he construed as "I love you too." He chuckled and squeezed my butt, while I arched and wrapped my arms around his neck. He ran his hand down my thigh and lifted it, wrapping it around his waist. I followed his lead and wrapped my legs around him tightly, my back against the wall. I opened my eyes, finally, and he was watching his hands as they ran over the bare skin of my exposed thigh.

He grabbed firm hold of me and carried me easily the eight feet to the bed. He placed me down carefully, landing on me, careful to keep his weight hovering above me. He traced circles into my skin and lifted my leg up. He kissed his way from my belly button, over my underwear, down my thigh and calf, to my ankle. I was still wearing the strappy silver shoes Alice had forced on me for my father's wedding. Edward undid the strap and dropped the shoe to the ground next to the bed. He took my bare foot and placed it next to him, and did the same to the other shoe. He kissed his way back up and brushed across my dampened underwear.

I groaned and he chuckled. He raised an eyebrow as he looked at me and I quickly brought my hands to undo his belt. "Anxious are we?" he teased.

"More like horny as hell," I replied, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants in one fluid motion.

He laughed at my eagerness and pulled his pants away, taking his underwear with. I looked at him, in his full glory and pulled him down to me. I kissed him forcefully, my tongue grazing his bottom lip. He met mine and our mouths began an erotic dance of their own. I ran my hands anywhere and everywhere, dragging my nails across his back, and gripping his butt firmly in my hand. I ground my hips against his and he growled into my mouth. I pushed him away, wanting to flip him over. He seemed to get the hint and rolled over, pulling me on top of him.

I broke the kiss and he looked at me, his eyes full of confusion and hunger. "Bella--"

I moved so that I was straddling his legs and placed my hands on his shoulders, leaning over him. He looked up at me, and grinned. "I quite like looking up at you when you're like this."

"Like what?" I asked, brushing my lips across jaw and biting his earlobe lightly.

"Animalistic and…sexy. Oh, God…" he said, running one hand over my bare breast and licking the curve of the other.

I gave him my best sexy look, and brushed against his pelvis. "Bella," his voice was husky and his eyes were glazed over.

I grinned and dragged my nails across his chest and torso, causing him to groan and grip my hips tightly. I bent down and kissed the trail from his lower abdomen and down the length of him. When I allowed my tongue to flick out, his fingers wound into my hair. "You keep doing that and I won't last," he said.

I looked up at him and grinned. He pulled my face up to his. "You think you're so bad, don't you?" he asked.

I nodded and kissed his neck. In one second he had me on my back and was pulling my underwear, the last remaining barrier between us, down my legs. He dropped them to the floor and I felt him place his hands on my inner thighs. He gently pried my thighs apart and lifted my legs. He kissed one of my knees as he poised himself. "Stop teasing me, Edward, damn it."

He smiled against my skin and thrust forward. I gasped and he smirked before placing his lips on mine. His rhythm was slow and sensual, absolutely mind-blowing. He held one of my legs up and leaned his other hand next to my head, leaning over me. My arms were at my sides, my hands gripping the sheets. "More," I demanded.

He lifted my leg higher and plunged deeper than before, faster and harder than before. "Oh my…"

My thoughts grew incoherent at this point and I just let the gentle rocking of the bed and feel of the satin sheets on my back take me over. His breathing was heavy and he was making low noises. I was looking up at him, but his eyes were closed. I placed a hand on his sweaty cheek and said, "Look at me, Edward."

He opened his eyes and smiled, still working. I moved my hips to match his tempo and he kissed me lightly, licking the salty sweat on my shoulder. Finally, I felt my muscles tighten and clench, throbbing pleasurably. Edward's face clenched and after a few more thrusts, his body finally twitched and shivered.

He finally came to a stop, kissing my chest--light, butterfly kisses--as he pulled back. He rolled onto his side and I leaned over him. "That was…incredible."

He laughed lightly, out of breath, and pulled me onto him. I straddled him once again, my slick body slipping wonderfully against his. "See? We could have been doing this all along, if you weren't so paranoid!"

I glared at him mockingly and he leaned up and kissed the hollow of my throat. "You are such a silly girl," he muttered.

"I love you, too," I said, laughing.

O.O.O.O

The end of the story. Sorry, y'all.

I'll get around to the epilogue and part 3 soon enough.

Review for me?


	18. Author's Note

**A VERY IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

Hey everyone, it's me. Duh. Anyway, I really don't feel like this story needs an epilogue. It's good where it stands, I think.

The next part of the story will be called: "Do Fish Get Thirsty?" Yeah, I know. Weird title, but it'll make sense. I promise. It'll be in TWO parts, each chronicling a different period of time.

I'll get going on it right away and will post a note on here to let you know when I've completed the first chapter.

If you have any ideas for the next installment, please let me know!

XxBanditQueenxX


	19. Posted

**A VERY IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

The third part of this story is now posted. It's called "Do Fish Get Thirsty?" The title will make sense when we get...like a billion chapters into the story...Hahaha.


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